LEAKED: Verstappen vs Massa “Brazilian” Whatsapp Chat

Ryan Ashenhurst

It’s all kicked off between Felipe Massa and Max Verstappen after some pretty critical comments from the young Dutchman following qualifying, but is it all what it seems? We hacked a deep conversation between the protagonists of this debacle:

Verstappen v Massa

So there you have it, Verstappen was well within his rights to switch the reporters question into a vaginal context. He’s a heterosexual teenage male, it’s always there in the back of his mind right? We believe him, and it’s nice to see Massa see his side – kinda.

We spoke to to the BBC’s chief F1 reporter Andrew Andhedges about the fragility of reporting on a story when it contains sensitive content, and the legal complications that leaking a story like this involves:

“You guys are walking a fine line reporting on stuff like this, not only are you publishing sensitive material, but you’re pushing the envelope a bit.”

– Andrew Andhedges

Verstappen to beat Ricciardo

When we pointed out that “pushing the envelope” had mild sexual connotations itself, in the same tepid sexual category as phrases like “twitching the curtain”, Andhedges was quick to change the subject and move on.

“Another thing you guys have to worry about is the non-F1 entities in the leak. You’ve name-dropped Nicole Shitsinger and Rita Oral amongst others, we all know who you’re talking about, and that could be messy too.

Not only that, but you’ve mentioned “Vaginal Context” twice. They’re actually a Slovenian four-piece progressive Indie band that my colleagues have recently interviewed for one of those self-important, self-blowjob-giving music documentaries over on BBC4, you’ve offended them too.”

– Andrew Andhedges

Slovenian Band Vaginal Context got to number three in the charts with their hit single "Pop my weasel", which is rumoured to be Slovenia's entry for Eurovision.
Slovenian Band Vaginal Context got to number three in the charts with their hit single “Pop my weasel”, which is rumoured to be Slovenia’s entry for Eurovision.

We left the fictitious scene of the interview above with worry in our minds, but then remembered that nothing we’ve reported in this article is accurate, or probably even means anything. We were back where we started, none the wiser on how far we were allowed to go, our sensitivity gauge inoperable. We went to a bar and drank Caipirhina’s, and felt much better.

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