It’s that time of year again, when the sad and lonely search for meaning in an existential world of football-less angst results in an infinite number of conversations about transfers that will never happen.
With that in mind, we’ve decided to have a look through moves that we personally cannot see going through in a million years, but some view as likely enough to have odds. We’re not going to add to the already ridiculous amount of gambling advertisements in the game by including the names of specific companies, but rest assured all prices are from big names rather than our mate Phil down the pub.
The list is ordered by the length of the odds, so it will start with eyebrow-raising and end on get-to-the-hospital-you’ve-taken-far-too-much-acid.
Cedric Soares to Barcelona: 4/1
Okay, so maybe this could happen. Maybe. It’s true Barcelona need a right-back, and that Soares has impressed for Southampton, but is Southampton’s third best defender really what the Catalans need to challenge Real Madrid next season?
Image source: Twitter
Aleksandar Mitrovic to PSG: 8/1
Apparently PSG are looking to strengthen massively following the kick in the balls that was last season, having been embarrassed by both Monaco and Barcelona. If this one is true, they’re actually going to take the opposite approach. Image Source: Twitter
John Terry to Manchester United: 10/1
Yes, there’s logic to this. Yes, Jose Mourinho and John Terry are a match made in heaven/hell. Yes, we would love to see the tears over at Stamford Bridge should it go through. Yes, there’s more chance of my pet goldfish being on United’s team sheet come August; ironically he’s called Frank Lampard, so that would create glorious confusion.
Image Source: Twitter
Dries Mertens to Southampton: 12/1
Dries Mertens scored 28 goals in Serie A last season. That’s four more than 75 million euro man, Gonzalo Higuain, with Mertens having started the season as a winger. Signing Manolo Gabbiadini from Napoli was one thing, but if the Saints are to prize away the Partenopei’s star – and for a fee they can afford – it would be a miracle. Image Source: Twitter
Gael Clichy to Burnley: 20/1
Clichy is rumoured to be a target for both Liverpool and Monaco, but the bright lights of Burnley may just be a deciding factor. Image Source: Twitter
Jamie Vardy to Huddersfield: 25/1
Because maybe David Wagner feels his side are currently just too likable? Imagine how many terrible puns we’d see on the back pages of the rags about Jamie Vardy’s terrier-like style. Please no. Image Source: Twitter
Aaron Ramsey to Swansea: 33/1
We don’t know what to tell you. Presumably the thinking behind it is that Ramsey is Welsh; we wouldn’t advise you holding your breath for Gylfi Sigurdsson’s move to UMF Stjarnan, either.
Image Source: Twitter
Michael Keane to China: 33/1
This move isn’t club specific, because we’re still a bit unenlightened about the whole China thing. China is a pretty big place, meaning that geographically speaking this price probably represents value. The image of Michael Keane in China is downright perplexing, though. Maybe he developed an obsession with Chinese culture after one of Manchester United’s numerous team visits to Wing’s? Still, file this one under unlikely.
Image Source: Twitter
Danny Rose to Lyon: 66/1
Je ne sais vraiment pas par où commencer. I know 66/1 is a big price, but in what world would this happen? Image Source: Twitter
Gareth Bale to Celtic: 200/1
Because who wans to play in El Clásico or win the Champions League when you can be a part of outstanding performances against Ross County?
Image Source: Twitter
So, there we have it: Gareth Bale moving to Celtic is officially 25 times more likely to happen than Leicester winning the Premier League in 2016.
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