Things That Weren’t Reported From The Manchester Tunnel Brawl

Daniel Blazer
Daniel Blazer
Managing Editor
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Jose Mourinho’s deflection tactics reached new levels in the aftermath of Manchester City’s embarrassing of the Red Devils at Old Trafford.

The Manchester United’s boss’ playacting has reached a point where the Portuguese boss appears so convinced of his own delusional nonsense, that you question whether it’s a really just boring ‘games’ anymore.

The whole ‘he started it, no he did’ charade from both Pep Guardiola and Jose Mourinho has made both look pathetic – it’s frustrating that Pep has lowered himself to the levels of the world’s worst human being.

And in amongst the petulance of it all, there have been several details not reported.

1 – Ronnie Wallwork used the fact everyone was distracted by the fracas in the tunnel, to pinch Sergio Aguero’s motor (he’s asked to mention that he’s willing to let it go for 50% of its value).

2 – Pep Guardiola started the whole brawl by felling Jose Mourinho in the ‘circle game’.

3 – Ryan Giggs was handing out his CV in the tunnel – a CV that quite simply read: “But I’m Ryan Giggs” – whilst asking if anyone knew of any management jobs going.

4 – The Daily Mail wanted to suggest that the only players involved in the brawl were: Raheem Sterling, Gabriel Jesus, Leroy Sane, Fernandinho, Fabian Delph, Vincent Kompany, Kyle Walker, Danilo, Eliaquim Mangala, Romelu Lukaku, Marcus Rashford, Anthony Martial, Jesse Lingard, Ashley Young, Chris Smalling, and Antonio Valencia.

5 – Paul Merson commented that the English mentality of Phil Jones in the fight was great to see. However, the Sky Sports pundit felt the exact same amount of aggression shown by Leroy Sane was: “Bad for the English game.”

6 – As soon as Ashley Young heard voices shouting, he fell over and appealed to the ref (despite being several feet away from the incident).

7 – Paul Pogba and Jesse Lingard are still unaware that anything happened as they were both working on their new handshake – which involves a crane, a disco ball and a cameo from Stormzy.

8 – Zlatan Ibrahimovic still believes the brawl started over who would get to swap shirts with him.

Natural born animal

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