Unicycle football is a real sport and it’s beyond insane

Many would argue that former Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch had the greatest touchdown run ever during the team’s 41-36 upset of the New Orleans Saints in the 2010 NFL Playoffs. The run involved what seemed like hundreds of cuts, jukes, and stiff arms and eventually ended with Lynch doing a modified crotch-grabbing Superman dive into the end zone.

Now imagine the running back doing that on a unicycle.

Impossible, right? Well a bunch of young whippersnappers in San Marcos, Texas are currently taking the game of football to new heights with the Unicycle Football League.

Formed in 2008, the league began with two teams and has now expanded to eight. They play a 56-game season (not like those wimps in the NFL) and matches are held on every Sunday.

The playing fields are not made of grass or artificial turf but instead the games are played in parking lots. Yes, parking lots made of hard, unforgiving asphalt.

To play, one must wear bike helmet and be prepared to be knocked off of his or her unicycle. While they do wear less padding than their NFL counterparts, the participants in this league still take the playing field with a similar bloodthirsty attitude.

A bunch of the rules are similar to the American football that is played on foot, but the UFL also has a few of their own unique twists.

To decide which team kicks and receives the ball to start the game, the league does away with the traditional coin toss and instead opts for a joust. The opening joust is also done on unicycles, of course.

Instead of straight up tackling, players are taken down by the act known as the flackle. Meaning a player can be declared down if he or she (women are not discriminated from playing in the UFL) loses a flag from around his or her waist or if he is she is knocked off of his or her unicycle.

There is no way there would be kicking during these games right? Wrong.

Like the NFL, the UFL has kickoffs, punts, and field goals. However after a touchdown is scored, a converted kick counts as two points since the difficulty to kick is much higher when done on a unicycle.

Of course a touchdown is not just known as a touchdown in the UFL either. Instead when a player crosses the goal line and scores six points, he or just completed what is known as a Scored Touch Down (or an STD for short).

So yes, after a game, a player may go home to his or her spouse and provide them with the information that multiple STDs were allowed on the field today. Hey, maybe the NFL and UFL have more in common after all?

At the end of each season, two teams play in the league’s annual Stuporbowl. The winners of the game are awarded with some one of a kind championship belt buckles and a trophy that the team is required to smash into pieces.

So if anyone is ever in the San Marcos area, checking out this piece of American history should be a must. Admission is normally free and if it is not, a ticket is not required if one chooses to watch the game in a clown costume.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell should probably take note of the entertainment provided by the UFL and consider his own league require players to ride unicycles during the upcoming Pro Bowl. It would at least be more entertaining than whatever they currently plan to roll out on the field this year.

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