Johnny Herbert Unveils Plans to Launch Premium Condom Range

Johnny Herbert has announced a new business venture in collaboration with Pirelli. Smiley Sky Sports F1 pundit and serial agreement machine Johnny Herbert is launching his premium condom range, ‘Johnny’s Johnnies’ later this week.

The ex-F1 racer turned latex entrepreneur has given us some insight into how the idea came about, he said,

“To be honest, I’ve had little to do with the whole thing. Pirelli’s Motorsport Director Paul Hembery is the real man behind the business. He just wanted me to get involved so the name of the brand would work, and also because I’m better at PR. I’ve tried out a few of the prototypes and so far, the Supersoft compound condom is the one for me.

We’re still developing the products, there’s been several occasions where the condom has erupted mid-sex, but we’re looking into that and I’m confident that Paul can fix this. I’m looking to get a longer stint out of the condom and feel if I just push but stay within the correct operating temperature, I’ll get there.”

– Johnny Herbert

The back of a rumoured 'wet-weather' Johnny's Johnnie
The back of a rumoured ‘wet-weather’ Johnny’s Johnnie

Johnny’s Johnnies are expected to outperform the bizarre JLS condom range that hit shops a few years ago, but Pirelli man Paul Hembery admits that Durex are their main competitors. He added,

” We’ve already sorted out the 2017 compound tyres for the Formula One championship, so I’ve been busy developing Johnny’s Johnnies. We currently have the super-soft, soft, medium and hard ranges, depending on your ‘feel’. Unfortunately, the ultra-soft range isn’t happening. We made the compound too thin and to be honest, you’d be more protected sticking a milky way wrapper on the end of it.

Ultimately, Johnny is a very convincing pundit who is the perfect face for the advertising campaigns too. I’m confident that we can take a chunk out of Durex in the market.

– Paul Hembery

As a result, Pirelli’s commitment to Formula One has briefly been questioned by the FIA and FOM. Bernie Ecclestone was recently quoted as saying “this is a complete cock-up” to which Hembery sneered, “Then maybe you should put a Johnny’s Johnnie on it.”

Paul Hembery gets a bollocking from Bernie for his rubber sheathing side-project
Paul Hembery gets a bollocking from Bernie for his rubber sheathing side-project



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