LEAKED: F1 Drivers Post-Chinese Grand Prix Whatsapp Chat

After a dramatic Chinese Grand Prix, the drivers end up having a discussion about their teammates after Lewis and Sebastian have a battle of compliment giving. It also emerges that Nic… – ahem – Valtteri Bottas’ race engineer has opened up a parallel dimension by accident. 

a shocking development

Calling Valtteri by Nico’s name in the Chinese Grand Prix has opened up as portal to several parallel universes in which hybrid drivers are able to pass across to our world. It has huge ramifications on the future of Formula One, and has made it difficult to predict who will be where in 2018. We spoke to F1 fanatic Professor Andrew Sprogg, who teaches Quantum Mechanics at Cornell Polytechnic. He said,

“As string theory dictates, we live in a multi-verse and certain actions in our world can sometimes align with that from a parallel. It means that in a handful of other universes, where a Mercedes engineer made the same verbal error, a channel has opened up, allowing for hybrid F1 drivers to cross between dimensions. It’s great, it opens up an insane potential grid for 2018.”

– Professor Andrew Sprogg

Lewis Rosberg appeared in the fourth space-time void that opened up above the Shanghai Skyline on Monday. Mercedes were quick to annihilate the monster, stating that it caused legal complications with Lewis Hamilton's brand and management.
Lewis Rosberg appeared in the fourth space-time void that opened up above the Shanghai Skyline on Monday. Mercedes were quick to annihilate the monster, stating that it caused legal complications with Lewis Hamilton’s brand and management.

Others are optimistic about the quantum mistake, with Toro Rosso driver scout Helmut Markopolotwopointoh hoping to sign a few of the intergalactic byproducts onto the Red Bull driver programme:

“From our perspective, this multi-verse reality thing is going to strengthen our line-ups. We’re keen to get a Sebastian Verstappen or a Carlos Ricciardo on-board. We’ve already had to turn away the likes of Jean-Eric Bourdais and Daniil Alguesuari, who have just been short of what we expect.”

– Helmut Markopolotwopointoh

The FIA and Charlie Whiting are attending a meeting led by NASA and MIT to discuss the potential move to keep the voids open to allow “more entertaining” driver line-ups in 2018, with Liberty Media desperate to improve the show. There was some news circulating that a man by the name of Chase Ecclestone, who has recently appeared in the circles of power in World Motorsport, is keen to assist in Liberty Media’s plans.

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