The summer break is upon us. A gruelling chasm of bleakness is every passing weekend without Formula One racing.
Soon fans will be forced to wander out into the sunlight and mingle with the outside world, the internal dialogue of the current F1 narrative fizzles into a half-baked memory that taunts the soul. You check your miscellaneous cat calendar after what feels like an eon. Time passes like a stoned, legless sloth. You’ve physically wrinkled, and planets have orbited their suns, gathering space-dust. The skyline of your city has been a fast-forwarded collage of day, night, day, night. ‘Surely we’re racing again soon?’ you will whisper weakly.
But at least the drivers get a well earned rest after a tough half-season of F1, right? We illegally infiltrated the contents of the holiday suitcases of some of the drivers, and this is what we found:
Lewis Hamilton’s suitcase:
- Lots of trophies
- A mix-tape labelled ‘Music stuff I’m definitely working on’
- Dog food
- A pair of donated, used underwear labelled: D.Crofty
- 16 different hats
- A textbook titled: ‘Mind games for beginners’
Daniel Ricciardo’s suitcase
- Prototype specimens of Johnny’s Johnnies Premium Condom range
- More beer
Max Verstappen’s suitcase
- A Batman Lego set
- Pokemon cards
- Dinosaur pajamas
- Shrek 2 on DVD
Sebastian Vettel’s suitcase
- A textbook on ‘Management in the workplace’
- A new gearbox
- Hair gel
- A blow-up Raikkonen doll
Valtteri Bottas’ suitcase
- Caffeine shampoo (trustworthy German engineering for your hair).
- Aged fish, dried and sealed in an airtight bag.
- 6 white teeshirts.
Kimi Raikkonen’s suitcase
- 18 different brands of Vodka
- 6 Ice-Lollies
Disclaimer – We understand the illegality of our actions, so we took extra care in putting the items back in their correct places. If Raikkonen claims there were 19 bottles of Vodka, he’s probably drunk already…