Welcome to the grossest story you’ll come across all day.
For ten years now, a Norwegian golf club has been on the prowl for a habitual cup-defacer who has used the course’s holes as toilets. According to a story published by Rogalands Avis’ Frode Olsen (h/t Golf News Net), Stavanger Golf Club in Stavanger, Norway, has been under attack by an unknown, serial golf course defiler.
The story goes that the club began finding feces in cups around the course in 2005, and it hasn’t stopped in the decade since, despited added security measures. Those include the instillation of flood lights around some of the perpetrator’s preferred greens.
Ok own up, who's the Poopetrator!! http://t.co/7974quSfUx
— Luke Donald (@LukeDonald) July 27, 2015
At this time, nobody knows who this person is, or what their reason is for doing this.
“We know it is a man because the poos are too massive to be from a woman,” groundskeeper Kenneth Tennfjord told Olsen (rolls eyes).
Tennfjord added that toilet paper is also sometimes left behind. Course officials note that the offender only strikes during the week and leaves bicycle tracks on sections of the course.
There are so many questions here, I’m not sure to begin. First of all, what compels someone to do such a disgusting thing? Seriously, you can’t go in the woods, or um, a bathroom like the rest of society? And ten years – what the heck? How is it taking so long to catch this menace to society? Do you even watch bring him to justice, or do you actually want this to turn into an urban legend of sorts?
I can’t even imagine making a long birdie put, reaching into the hole to retrieve my golf ball, and grabbing something ‘other’ than my Titleist ProV1. If you have any information on the serial Norwegian pooper, please come forward.