Asked what he would be if he hadn’t taken up golf, “a virgin,” quipped the Northern Irishman. The original line was first uttered by English footballer Peter Crouch who was seen by many as the ultimate ‘reacher’ in world sport.
Rory certainly isn’t an unattractive guy, however, we were left wondering if golf really has enhanced his appeal, beyond the obvious sexiness of having shit loads of cash. On closer inspection, it’s hard to deny that the sport has given him a certain je ne sais quoi and elevated him a couple of points out of ten. And shit loads of cash.
1. Without golf he would still have an average rig
Rory has taken his fitness very seriously since first stepping into the weights room five years ago. He’s completely transformed himself from a podgy t-shirt-on-the-beach-wearing teenager to an absolute adonis, all in the name of golf, allegedly. His routine has given him an enviable rig and it certainly adds to the all-round package that has his suitors swooning.
2. Without golf he would still have average teeth
Apparently a pillar of Britishness is to have really bad teeth.
SEE ALSO: Golf’s Big Book Of British Smiles
Golf doesn’t do anything to your teeth except perhaps grind them down after the occasional snap-hook. But in the case of an endorsable athlete, a dazzling smile is crucial to your marketability. Rory has certainly had work done to ensure those gnashers fit in with the aesthetic of his sponsors.
3. Without golf he would still have an average dress sense
When everyone wants a slice of the pie you’re going to be sent some pretty sharp clobber to wear wherever you go. Because Rory is never far from the camera, his dress sense has transformed from baggie chino wearer to fashion aficionado.
WAG proof that golfers are sport’s greatest overachievers
Polly is engaged to Paul Casey, the slightly awkward Englishman found form at the end of last year, not to mention the day he met Polly.
Aaron, famed for his devotion to Jesus, must have had his prays answered when Richelle came along.
Bob Estes isn't a household name, but charisma and four PGA TOUR wins was enough to court his smoking Mrs.
Thomas Aiken has a career best world ranking of 73rd. He would be much higher if the list was based on successful courtship.
Paulina Gretzky eat your heart out! Kate has 1/500th the number of Instagram followers.
Romelu Lukaku to Arsenal
The Arsenal fans call for a striker will finally be answered. Everton continue to underperform, but the can't be said for Lukaku, who has been involved in eight of Everton's 13 goals this season.
It is often entertaining to hear the chant of "Spend some f**king money!" echoing around the Emirates every transfer window, but in the case of Romelu Lukaku, Wenger has no excuse. He's a proven, multi-dimensional goalscorer who has been excellent every year in the Premier League, from West Brom to Everton.
Lukaku deserves to be competing at the highest level, and right now, Everton can't offer that.
Why did Chelsea let him go!?
Alex Song gained inspiration from a trip to McDonald's and ordering a large fry. Alex Song knew his career was about to nosedive when he pulled off this look. You can see in his face that he knows he fucked up, but it's too late to do anything about it. Can't decide whether Song's or Fellaini's hair is worse.
I have never been a fan of the brutish Belgian and this haircut just makes him look like a dirty q-tip. Whoever let Fellaini do this to his head must not like him as much as I do.
To be completely polically correct, you can assume this one's gender. The Frenchman's attempt at going blonde ended up being grey. Not the first time, he failed at doing something though; his attempt at a football career in Manchester landed him in Sevilla.
Taylor Dowd Simpson
She has been there from the very start. This is them at college.