Wikipedia was invented for funny football edits.
For example, we were once told that following his sacking from Reading FC, Brian McDermott was filmed performing an acoustic version of Bob Dylan’s song ‘Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door’ at a karaoke bar.
Part of me wants this to be true.
Anyway, this got me thinking; I wonder if footballers have ever given their own wikipedia pages a, shall we say, helping hand. And if so, what would they have written?
Jamie Vardy
One line, and it would read: “Chat shit get banged”
Not long until that’s the most used phrase in the English language – Shakespeare will be so proud.
Cristiano Ronaldo
I Google’d ‘best ever footballer’ and it took me straight to www.cristianoronaldo.com – whilst you’re there, why not purchase my movie ‘Ronaldo’, a wonderful, self-deprecating story about a humble lad who never gave up on his dream.
PS: Fuck Messi.
Kieran Gibbs
Not Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain.
Paul Pogba
Hope you’re reading this, Sir Alex?
Zlatan Ibrahimovic
You’re welcome.
Yaya Toure
Born: May 13, 1983?
Mesut Ozil
How can I help?
Tony Hibbert
In my spare time I like to watch beige paint dry or re-runs of Antiques Roadshow.
