If Footballers wrote their own Wikipedia pages

Wikipedia was invented for funny football edits.

For example, we were once told that following his sacking from Reading FC, Brian McDermott was filmed performing an acoustic version of Bob Dylan’s song ‘Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door’ at a karaoke bar.

Brian McDermott
Source: Bob Dylan

Part of me wants this to be true.

Anyway, this got me thinking; I wonder if footballers have ever given their own wikipedia pages a, shall we say, helping hand. And if so, what would they have written?


Jamie Vardy

One line, and it would read: “Chat shit get banged”

Not long until that’s the most used phrase in the English language – Shakespeare will be so proud.


Cristiano Ronaldo

I Google’d ‘best ever footballer’ and it took me straight to www.cristianoronaldo.com – whilst you’re there, why not purchase my movie ‘Ronaldo’, a wonderful, self-deprecating story about a humble lad who never gave up on his dream.

PS: Fuck Messi.

Kieran Gibbs

Not Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain.

Screen Shot 2016-01-29 at 10.42.26
Source: 101 Great Goals


Paul Pogba

Hope you’re reading this, Sir Alex?

Paul Pogba
Source: Telegraph


Zlatan Ibrahimovic

You’re welcome.

Source: aftrappagina
Source: aftrappagina


Yaya Toure

Born: May 13, 1983?

Screen Shot 2016-01-29 at 10.50.01
Source: Telegraph


Mesut Ozil

How can I help?

Source: TalkSPORT
Source: TalkSPORT


Tony Hibbert

In my spare time I like to watch beige paint dry or re-runs of Antiques Roadshow.