- Real Madrid are willing to let James Rodriguez leave in the summer
- Manchester United are looking for a marquee signing
- The Red Devils have reportedly held talks with the Colombian international
It all feels a bit like Chinese whispers, but Spanish media outlet, Sport, are reporting that Real Madrid are willing to let James Rodriguez leave the Bernabeu this summer, with the Express going as far as saying United have already opened up conversation with the forward.
Ed Woodward is more desperate than those on Tinder as Valentine’s Day approaches, in his pursuit of a high calibre signing, and Ham Head Rodriguez fits the bill.
What would be in store for the Colombian were he to rock up in Manchester?
Phil Jones As Flatmate
To help JR settle into the Manchester way of life – which is basically the same as Madrid but without the sun, right? – Phil Jones will offer to take his new team-mate under his wing.
Rodriguez moves out after three days, after waking up in the night to find Jones staring at him whilst he slept…
The Real Juan Mata
Assuming Jose doesn’t sell him, the Spanish international will be waiting for James at Old Trafford. Mata is widely regarded as the nicest man in football due to his delightful blog and vlog posts…
…however, when Rodriguez takes the last turkey dinosaur at lunch, the former Chelsea man vows to make Rodriguez’s life hell.
Rodriguez tries to tell club captain Wayne Rooney of his difficulties but all the England international says, through a mouthful of jam sandwich, is: “That was fucking you who took the turkey dinosaur?!”
Following a failed venture as an art dealer, the former Manchester United striker is back at Old Trafford, only this time as kit man.
Sidenote: No wonder United aren’t close to producing the next ‘Class of 92’ when they allowed Bellion to give out training advice to the youngsters!
David de Gea Becomes Obsessed
The Spanish stopper, clearly regretting signing that new deal with United, won’t give Rodriguez any space, as he continues to ask the Colombian about what life was like at Real Madrid.
Rodriguez eventually has to take a restraining order out when he comes home to find de Gea has broken into his house and is sniffing one of his match worn Los Blancos kits.