The Best (Worst?) Of Michael Owen’s Abysmal Commentary




Who gave Michael Owen a job in broadcasting?

It’s difficult to envisage a board meeting between senior BT executives, tasked with creating a commentary team that could rival the Sky Sports monopoly… and deciding that Michael Owen was the best option.

One conspiracy theory is that BT Sport knew that they could never rival Sky on the level of punditry intellect, Gary Neville’s observations were sharp, astute and drawn from years of playing at a high standard.

Instead BT opted for the route that riles the masses, not a necessarily unique strategy (looking at you Robbie Savage), but one that guarantee’s a social media buzz; all be it negative publicity.

In Owen’s case there’s certainly a lot to be antagonised be… good lord the man is barely literate.



As football fans settled in to watch the much anticipated rematch between PSG and Chelsea, mentally validating that this experience would be worth the additional tv subscription fees…

“… joining me, is my co-commentator, Michael Owen”



Viewers are now faced with two realistic options:


1. Do what these guys did:




Or 2. Suffer the interminable wittering…

3 minutes in and Owen’s already pronounced Chelsea midfielder Cesc Fabregas as:

‘Sex Febraygus’

It’s a struggle but the once adored England and Liverpool striker doesn’t stop there though, not even close.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic steps up to take a free-kick and Owen, a man who never took a free-kick in his entire career, feels he is within his rights to criticise the Swede’s technique and advise on how he should be striking the ball.

Ibrahimovic scores.


But these are by no means the worst soundbite gaffs of Owen’s infamous broadcasting career.


What is Michael trying to imply about Manchester United?

Owen was on top form for the recent FA Cup tie between Manchester and Sheffield United. Kicking it off by setting the scene for the game by explaining some of the laws of the universe:

“If there’s rain about, it makes the surface wet”


Michael then proceeded to divulge into some really rather curious descriptions of Manchester United’s approach to the game.

Maybe he had other things on his mind…

“Man Utd have to find ways of penetrating, stretching the back four. Then you probe & find the holes.”



“Fellaini and Schweinsteiger – two big lads – Louis Van Gaal likes that”


And then there’s this paradoxical tripe!


Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 12.07.15

You mean that £25 million footballer? Yeah, I guess he does look like a footballer.




And the indisputable winner


When they don’t score… they hardly ever win!