PGA TOUR Left In Dissarray After 4 Golfers Fail Drugs Test

Several leading golfers have failed a drugs test causing chaos in the golfing community. After trumpeting the sport’s “clean” record, the PGA now face a sensational scandal. CLICKON have exclusive access to the golfers now facing the the World Anti-Doping Agency.

Rory McIlroy – Anabolic Steroids.

The Northern Irishman has packed on 20 pounds of muscle in the last three years. His driving average has increased, and his prowess with the ladies continues to go from strength to strength. Reports suggest that Rory forced his friend and confidant, Niall from One Direction, to inject the banned substance “Trenalbol” up his arse.

SEE ALSO: Most pros don’t want disciplinary punishments released to the public

Dustin Johnson

No introduction needed here as DJ fails a drugs test for the 17th time this year. The American becomes the youngest golfer in history to have more run ins with the judiciary than PGA TOUR titles. According to Instagram, DJ and girlfriend Paulina are vacationing in Columbia to get away from his recreational dalliances.

DJ cocaine

Bubba Watson

The golfer claimed he had been prescribed Marijuana by a doctor after THC was detected in his urine. Used to treat moaning and excessive excuse making, the PGA became suspicious by Bubba’s psychotic paranoia after he smelt a fly’s fart in his backswing. The player was reported by his caddie, who’d simply “had enough” after the player became violent following a succession of “inadequate pop tarts that just weren’t hitting the spot”. Traces of charisma were also found in the player’s blood sample. The world number 17 denied he had any idea how tiny quantities of personality got into his system.

SEE ALSO: The problem of drugs on the PGA Tour is bigger than you think

Jordan Spieth

Jordan had inadvertently used a banned substance to treat a sore left chicken wing, exacerbated by his recent spike in shots per round. The 23-year-old insisted it had nothing to do with his accelerated hair growth after people noticed his Under Armour cap could actually be removed from his head.

BTW, APRIL FOOLS to the people who might be feeling a bit suey.