To the untrained eye, it appeared that Manchester City had made a serious error in their Champions League semi-final team selection – mistakenly starting an overweight pensioner in need of a walking aid as opposed to a professional footballer.
To clear up any understandable confusion – yes, he is a professional footballer and he earns just over £200,000 a week… Yaya Toure, ladies and gentlemen.
The days when the big Ivorian dominated the entire midfield of Man City’s Premier League opponents are well and truly over. Yet, the surprise announcement ahead of kick-off that Yaya Toure had been passed fit to play delighted City fans, who clearly still think it’s 2011 and that Toure is an unstoppable force.
If City fans are wishing to live in the past then Yaya is definitely their man. Inside the Bernabeu stadium, Toure displayed a mastery of time to rival Doctor Who, moving in slow motion whilst appearing to age rapidly into a 90 year old man synchronously.
Whilst this feat may be breaking the laws of the universe, Toure’s abilities had very little effect on the Champions League semi-final:
Yaya Toure’s game by numbers vs. Real Madrid:
83% pass acc.
0 chances created
0 tackles won
0 interceptions pic.twitter.com/rsU2bBYOmc
— Squawka Football (@Squawka) May 4, 2016
Yaya Toure’s performance showed all the classic signs of a player coming to the end career, one of the biggest games in Manchester City’s recent history and the Ivorian seemed to have nothing but retirement on his mind.
Yaya Toure is on full on paddle-steamer mode this evening. Lumbering round like he’s playing in a vets game.
— Simon Clancy (@SiClancy) May 4, 2016
Yaya Toure appears to be wandering about aimlessly in a garden centre
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) May 4, 2016
Try and spot the difference between Yaya Toure slipping into his coma against Madrid and this bewildered child giving up on playing basketball…