Lionel Messi isn’t known for shit talking. In fact, if soccer fans could vote, he would win humanitarian of the year – every year – for dazzling us with his wizardry.
So if he’s talking shit to you on the pitch, you’ve clearly done something to upset the little king.
Come at the king, you best not miss.
Enter Pau Lopez, goalie for RCD Espanyol.
Earlier this year, he stomped the f*ck out of Messi.
Let’s look at the evidence here. Pau Lopez clearly intentionally tries to stomp Messi back to the Stone Age. Ndamukong Suh, eat your heart out. That’s how you stomp somebody. That Aaron Rogers stomp? Rookie shit…
Messi took that stomp like a G. Never let ’em see you flinch.
In Pau Lopez’s defense, he’s only 21, so maybe you can write off his Messi stomp as a cathartic expression of adolescent angst. But probably not. At 21, you know better than to go around stomping on the world’s best player, especially when you’re being recorded and your actions will live on tape forever.
You know what else remembers things forever? Elephants.
Messi might not be big, old, or grey, but like an elephant, he never forgets.
So when Barcelona played RCD Espanyol again over the weekend, Messi had revenge on his mind.
Pau López added more fuel to the fire with his comments before the game.
“I DON’T KNOW WHO WILL WIN LA LIGA, BUT I WANT IT TO BE A MADRID TEAM. IT DOESN’T MATTER TO ME WHICH ONE”
What he meant was,
“I’M COOL WITH ANYONE BUT BARCELONA WINNING THE LEAGUE. THOSE M*THAFUKAZ HAVE TOO MUCH SHINE AND IT HURTS MY HATIN’ LITTLE HEART TO SEE THEM EAT LIKE THAT.”
Basically López did a big sin on Messi and then talked shit on his squad right before they met again.
Messi had to G-check him after that. So after Suarez scored the first of five Barcelona goals, Messi had a few choice words for López to remind him who runs shit:
“NOW WHAT…YOU JERK!”
Sometimes, less is more. Messi didn’t have to invoke mothers or sisters to get his point across.
Even when he talks shit, he takes the high ground.
López needs to remember that Messi is wavier than he could ever be.
Hopefully young Pau López learned his lesson. If he didn’t, I know a little Argentine sorcerer who will be happy to take him down a peg next time they meet…