Welcome to the main event! We’ve got Didier “The Stamford Slugger” Drogba taking on Zlatan “The Malmö Mauler” Ibrahimovic. These are two relentless competitors and it should be one hell of a fight.
Let’s look at the tale of the tape:
Each fighter is powerfully built and in excellent condition. They’ve been taking training camp seriously and both are all business as the fight approaches.
Zlatan has a slight height and reach advantage, but having stubby T-Rex arms never stopped Iron Mike from knockin a m*thafuka out.
Drogba’s gonna have to fend off Ibra’s jab if he wants to get in there and do some damage but we have seen him get in there and mix it up with some devastating combinations in the past.
Zlatan may have a slight edge here. No one has ever accused him of being a real stable guy. Unpredictability can be a big advantage in a fight. You gotta keep your opponent on his toes. Can’t dodge a punch if you don’t know it’s coming.
I’ll let you render your own verdict about Ibrahimovic’s mental/emotional stability after watching this compilation called “Zlatan Ibrahimovic | Angry Moments | The Bad Boy”
Drogba’s usually a little more even-keeled than his Swedish counterpart, but he, too, has been known to lose his cool. Channel that rage, Drogba. Use your anger. Embrace the dark side. Watch him go after the ref like the last remaining Jedi:
Zlatan’s been the heart and soul of the Swedish national team since his international debut in 2001. That’s 15 years strong. You gotta have a heart the size of a grapefruit to try a bicycle kick from 35 yards out:
If Zlatan has a heart the size of a grapefruit, Drogba’s is the size of a watermelon. He singlehandedly willed Chelsea to a Champions League title in 2012.
But that’s not even his greatest achievement. Didier Drogba STOPPED A FUCKING CIVIL WAR in his country.
“A SINGLE SOCCER MATCH ACHIEVES WHAT FIVE YEARS OF COMBAT AND NEGOTIATIONS COULD NOT: AN APPARENT END TO IVORY COAST’S CIVIL WAR.”
“THE MAN WHO BROUGHT THE WARRING SIDES TOGETHER WAS NOT A POLITICIAN OR A GUN-TOTING STRONGMAN, BUT DIDIER DROGBA, THE STAR STRIKER FOR THE IVORY COAST”
That’s some mythical shit right there. The kind of stuff they write down in books and you read about a thousand years later. Gotta give the edge to Drogba here.
The French Factor
Both players have deep links to France, and everyone knows the French don’t exactly have an immaculate record in battle.
In fact, the French are notorious for losing literally every battle. They’re the Cleveland Browns of modern day warfare.
Ibrahimovic and Drogba are both affected by the French factor.
Let’s start with Drogba.
He hails from the former French colony of the Ivory Coast, has a French name, and speaks French fluently. He plays for the Montreal Impact, located in Quebec, Canada – arguably the Frenchest place in North America.
All that does not bode well for Didier.
However, Zlatan is also affected by the French factor. He’s French by proxy, which isn’t as damning as Drogba’s intrinsic Frenchness.
Ibrahimovic did spend the past four years playing in Paris, the capital of France While he’s fiercely Swedish, some of that Frenchiness definitely seeped into his system.
This heavyweight slugfest will be a clash for the ages. Forget Mayweather-Pacquiao “Fight of the Century”. This shit’s going down like the Thrilla in Manilla:
Drogba and Ibra will be trading leather all night. Hooks, jabs, crosses – power punches being landed by both fighters.
This ain’t gonna be no Klitschko-Fury snoozefest. This is non stop action. You’re gonna be hoarse by the end of the fight.
When it’s all said and done, only one champion emerges:
Winner by Knockout in the 10th
Zlatan’s got height and reach on Drogba, but Drogba’s indomitable will ultimately carries him to victory. Ibrahimovic’s crazed antics during the weigh-in don’t phase Drogba at all.
Zlatan is able to make Droba feel his power, even knocking him down in the 5th, but losing isn’t an option for Drogba. Never has been, never will be.
Drogba goes home with the title belt.