Zlatan Takes All Five Penalties In A Penalty Shootout
The Swedish superstar is the classic playground prick who used to say ‘my ball, my rules’ and would take all five of United’s penalties in their Third Round FA Cup exit to Burton Albion.
And Then He’ll Take The Opposition’s Penalties, Too…
Burton Albion aren’t going to stop, Zlatan, now, are they?! Thankfully for them, the Swede inadvertently sends them through.
Awarded Player Of The Year Award Before The First Game Of The Season
When Manchester United call their press conference to announce the signing of the former Paris Saint-Germain striker, the Premier League will also award Zlatan the trophy for being the best player in the 2016/17 season.
Marcus Rashford Forced To Clean Zlatan’s Car
During his spell in Manchester, Zlatan will refuse to believe that the young England international is a team-mate of his. Rashford, eager to impress in the early days of his career, won’t ever correct or stand up to the mighty Swede and will clean Zlatan’s car every day after training.
Match-day Programme Replaced With Copies Of ‘I Am Zlatan’
To be fair, it’s a bloody good read, and miles better than having club propaganda shoved down your throat.
Pep Guardiola Forced To Manage Manchester City From Old Trafford Car Park
There’s no love lost between the new Man City manager and Zlatan:
“As a person, I have no comments about that. That is something else. He is not a man. There’s nothing more to say.”
And Ibra will make sure that Pep doesn’t enter Old Trafford when he brings the Citizens along for the Manchester derby.
What Zlatan says, goes.