Iceland Players Vow To Defeat ISIS

After defeating England in the biggest upset in Euro history, Iceland has set their sights on a bigger opponent: ISIS.

Left: ISIS leader Abu Bark al Baghdadi. Right: Icelandic captain Aron Gunnarsson
Left: ISIS leader Abu Bark al Baghdadi. Right: Icelandic captain Aron Gunnarsson

Iceland’s captain and emotional leader, Aron Gunnarsson, spoke on his tiny nation’s promise to defeat the world’s least popular book club:

Yes, we are a small country but there is strength in unity. We defeated England and ISIS is no different.

On the honor of my son Baldr and his one-eyed wolf, I will not rest until this scourge is defeated so that all Icelandic people may live in peace.

Aron Gunnarsson, Icelandic captain

Gunnarsson’s bold claims are a direct response to Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi’s ban of Norse mythology throughout ISIS-held territory in Syria and Iraq.

Odin is a false prophet. Norse mythology is a tool of the infidel and a callous attempt by Western powers to corrupt weak minds.

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, ISIS leader

Over 75% of Iceland’s 330,000 people and 10 of their 11 starters are active practitioners of Norse mythology, making al-Baghdadi’s decision to outlaw it throughout the caliphate a direct threat to the ancient Icelandic way of life.

After we take [the Euro] we will sail in our wooden boats to the Levant and confront these dangerous extremists. For Iceland. For Njörðr.

We will use our words, and if that fails, our hammers.

Ragnar Siggurdson, Icelandic player

Iceland shouldn’t get too ahead of itself. Before they rid the world of violent extremism, they have to face host nation France in the quarterfinals on July 3rd.

Dispatching England was definitely a notch on Iceland’s wooden and stone belt, but French striker Antoine Griezmann has been terrorizing opponents all tournament.



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