Why Portugal Winning Is Bad For Football

Ethan Tait

Football is a fickle bitch.

One second you’re tied to Portugal and the next you’re losing in penalties.

The Portuguese national team is yet to win a game in regulation at the Euros and it doesn’t look like that’s changing anytime soon. If it weren’t for this terrible notion that 24 teams should be invited to the tournament, Portugal would be back home, Cristiano Ronaldo would be instagramming about a workout, and Pepe would be fighting the urge to kill someone.


In the group stage they were unimpressive, drawing EVERY SINGLE GAME playing minnows Iceland and half decent sides Hungary and Austria.

If I had my way, it would have been a Croatia/Poland quarterfinal and it would have produced a brilliant match. The likes of Ivan Rakitic, Luka Modric, and Mario Mandzukic up against Robert Lewandowski, Arkadiusz Milik, and Mike Wazowski Jakub Błaszczykowski.

But, no. Portugal had to be a fun sucker and ruin it all.

For 20-minute chunks of the match, I was bored. I would have rather gone to the DMV than watch this match.

You know you have a problem when Pepe is consistently your best player by a large margin.

CR7 has been consistently average, Nani hasn’t been good since his first year at United, and has Quaresma ever actually been relevant?

An 18-year-old is carrying the side and the hopes and dreams of a nation. Renato Sanches has played beyond his years and rightly earned himself a goal in the quarterfinal against Poland.

With Portugal in the semis, I can hope that Wales and Gareth Bale join them. If anything let’s make things awkward at Real Madrid. Controversy in the capital is always fun.

Ronaldo loses, cries, and refuses to speak with Bale and Real Madrid don’t win another European title for a decade.

Bale, make it happen.

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