Let’s face it, it could be any one of 20. There’s something vaguely annoying re: just about any club in the top flight. It could be Sunderland’s insistence on annual relegation battles, Tottenham’s proclivity for ‘Spursing’ it up or West Ham’s deluded belief they’re an elite club. Whatever it is, each club has its own unique way of getting under your skin.
Here’s my list in reverse order:
5) Crystal Palace
I actually rather like Crystal Palace. They’ve got great fans, a charming old stadium and an exciting team when they fancy it. Unfortunately, Alan Pardew is the manager.
What is there to say about Pardew? Pards. Pardiola.
The bloke is an idiot. A bonafide, unmitigated moron. Whether it is his embarrassing touchline jigs at cup finals, his endless attempts to connect himself to the England job or his generally smug demeanour in post-match press conferences, he’s just annoying. He’s single-handedly dragged Palace into 5th place in the Premier League’s ‘Most Irritating Club Award’.
4) West Brom
It gives me no pride to include West Brom on this list. I’m a West Brom fan and have followed the club since the age of four. I was on the pitch in 2002 when we got promoted to the Premiership (as it was then) and was on the pitch in 2005 when we stayed up after being bottom at Christmas. However, I have enough perspective to know what the rest of the country think of us…
The perennial yo-yo team, Aston Villa’s little rivals, an underwhelming opening day fixture, ‘where the f*ck is West Brom?’, ‘what even is a boing-boing?’, ‘come on, mate;we’ve named 19/20 Prem clubs, who is the last one?’. I’ve heard it all…
To compound the unglamorous image of the club, we’re coached by a pikey in white trainers and a baseball cap who loves nothing better than a goalless draw. Meanwhile, the squad is largely comprised of hardworking, talentless meatheads. For god’s sake, Craig Gardner, James McClean and Craig Dawson play every week…
As far as you’re all concerned, we’re making up the numbers. I can see your point.
You’ve got to respect their history. You’ve no other choice. 18 title wins. Five European cups. Kennedy, Souness, Dalglish, Keegan, Rush, Fowler, Owen, Carragher, Djimi Traore, Gerrard, Torres, Suarez…And they don’t half go on about it.
The Kop love nothing better than to sing about days of yore and fair enough; tearful nostalgic remembrance is their prerogative. Meanwhile, the rest of us are required to sit by and listen to repetitious chanting of ’In Is-tan-buuuuul, we won it five tiiiiiimes’.
However, after 25 years of hovering between 2nd and 12th, Liverpool don’t hold the prestige they once did. Not that they care. They’re too busy knocking one out over Stevie G compilation videos on Youtube. Meanwhile, the rest of us will continue to laugh behind their backs…
Big club. Big fanbase. A slightly soulless but nonetheless, beautiful stadium. A star studded 11 with Ozil, Sanchez, Cech. And they’re about as likely to win the league as Tim Sherwood being appointed Real Madrid manager.
It’s the same sh*t every year. They’re a couple of players short of going the distance in the league and in Europe. Olivier Giroud is a super back-up striker. No one doubts that. However, you will not win the League if Giroud is your only striker. We know it, Arsenal fans know it, Giroud knows it better than anyone… the only man who doesn’t is Arsene Wenger. He simply refuses to buy anyone if he doesn’t see value in the market.
In principle, Wenger’s values are admirable; he is economical, pragmatic and loyal and is responsible for revolutionising aspects of the domestic game. But this has manifested itself over the past decade by placing too much faith in young players who aren’t ready to shoulder the burden of leading a team to glory a la Ramsey, Walcott, Gibbs, Szczesny, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Nicklas Bendtner.
It’s exasperating to watch from the sidelines. They’re always a couple of players short and there is no reason to believe that’ll change whilst he remains in charge.
It’s cool though, they’ll be top at Christmas, finish 4th and get knocked out of the Champions League to Barca. Every cloud…
Could it ever have been anyone else?
The club we all love to hate. Chelsea go beyond irritating and are flat out unlikable. In isolation, each of the elements that make them so are forgivable. However, when you combine;
Ken Bates, the self styled ‘Chelsea Hooligans’, Roman Abramovich, Roman Abramovich spending over £1 billion on transfers, John Terry’s racism, John Terry’s serial shagging, John Terry’s face, John Terry’s existence, Ashely Cole being a slimy little runt, Mourinho’s sore losing, Mourinho’s treatment of Eva Carneiro, John Terry, the sacking of Claudio Ranieri, the sacking of Carlo Ancelotti, John Terry’s toadish looks, Adrian Mutu and Mark Bosnich hoovering up chang, getting caught and getting sacked, their muggy little blue shirts, Diego Costa, Fabregas, John Terry, knicking Kante off our darling Leicester…
It’s a deserved first place as ‘The Premier League’s Most Irritating Club’ for Chelsea. Not that they’re perturbed by their new title, the carefree bastards.