Steven Taylor’s MLS debut is the stuff of nightmares (but funny for us)

Steven Taylor has just about done the most Steven Taylor thing in the world. No, he hasn’t won an Oscar for starring in a Hollywood blockbuster.

The former Newcastle United defender has made one of the most laughable debuts in football history when he ran out for new side, Portland Timbers, in MLS over the weekend.

First of all, it started with a clinical finish…in the wrong net, with just eight minutes on the clock.

And then things just spiralled as the Timbers found themselves trailing by three goals at half-time. Hardly the first 45 minutes Taylor wanted. However, as the horrendous cliche goes, ‘football is a game of two halves’, so no doubt Taylor was preparing to make amends.

Only he didn’t get to, as the gaffer subbed him off at half-time?!

Sadly it doesn’t end there for the centre-back, as Portland then ran out 4-3 winners?????!

Will we see Taylor in a Portland Timbers shirt again? Probably, because MLS is a sucker for thinking anyone who has played in the Premier League is a world-class, high-profile and worthwhile footballer!

If you’re reading this, Steven, then don’t worry, pal, you aren’t alone in awful debuts!

Jonathan Woodgate

Where else could we possibly start?! There’s clearly something in the water at St James’ Park, as Woodgate joined super club Real Madrid from the Magpies – still weird, right?!

Ali Dia

A name that is well and truly off of Graeme Souness’ Christmas card list – he’s on our’s, though, because it’s bloody funny. Awfully bad debut, but oh so amusing.

Henrik Larsson

We include the Swede to give hope to our Steven Taylor, as after coming on as a late substitute, and inadvertently setting up Hibs for a dramatic winner, Larsson went on to become a Celtic legend! There’s hope still for you, Steven!

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