In desperate need of a striker, Crystal Palace’s resident silver fox, Alan Pardew, has been sniffing around Christian Benteke all summer. The latest development is that Liverpool have rejected their £30M bid due to some amusingly bizarre add-ons.
With what appears to be a misguided statement of intent, Palace included a £2.5M add-on clause into Benteke’s contract that would be activated, should the Eagles qualify for the Champions League, with the Belgian forward scoring 20+ goals and playing in 70% of their games.
Klopp rejected this bid for obvious reasons. However, these weren’t the only clauses Pardiola included in the potential Benteke deal…
1- Must make Pardew ‘likable’
Pardew does little to help his image. Headbutting Hull City’s David Meyler, labelling Manuel Pellegrini words too rude to publish (although we’re sure you’ve seen them before) and dad-dancing in front of 90,000 people at Wembley have not improved public perception. So he has called in help from another source. Big Bentekkers was informed that should he join Palace, he would single-handedly have to manage Pardew’s public affairs and boost his image with Pardew saying “I want to be loved. Adored even. I feel Chris is the man to help people recognise the kind of great guy I am.”
2 – Cover any medical expenses himself
In a controversial move, Palace are looking to minimise expenditure on Benteke with the club stating “We aren’t looking for a Jack Wilshere or Micheal Owen. We don’t need injury costs. Christian is a big and powerful man, so we, at Crystal Palace F.C, feel it’s appropriate for him to look after himself medically. We’re not here to baby the man.” The clause states shin-pads, ice-baths and any stretchers he requires must be subsidised by Benteke.
3 – Change his nationality
Crystal Palace’s gaffer makes no secret of his intent to take over as England manager. one day. In a bid to boost his chances, he has stated the experienced Belgian must change his nationality or apply for dual-citizenship and choose the Three Lions before the next World Cup. Pardew feels this will “Give Andy (Carroll) and Rickie (Lambert), whom I feel are the country’s most in form strikers, some competition and a little boost up on the front line when I take charge. Big Sam could never achieve a feat like that.”
Big Sam new England boss, Alan Pardew overlooked again. One day it will dawn on him just when he lost his chance…https://t.co/4DRf3iIVJe
— Paddy Power (@paddypower) 23 July 2016
4 – Go for dinner with A.P once a fortnight, provided he brings his missus
This bizarre clause states that Benteke must attend Alan Pardew’s house at least once a fortnight, bringing his girlfriend for dinner too. The small print, however, explains the two men must dine in separate rooms, with Pardew wanting to make the frontman’s family ‘welcome in South London’. For this, he has decided he will dine with Benteke’s girlfriend alone at these occasions and insists the frontman must not enter the room so not to interrupt “crucial steps to make her feel welcome and happy after the move, which is imperative to Chris’ happiness here.” We’re glad you’ve cleared that up, Al.
— Pulse Ghana (@PulseGhana) 25 June 2015
5 – Persuade Romelu Lukaku and Eden Hazard to move south
Being an experienced Belgian star (26 caps in six years), Benteke has cemented himself as a respected man amongst other members of the national squad, including high-profile players such as Chelsea’s Eden Hazard and Everton’s Romelu Lukaku.
The Eagles are hoping his influence will attract these big names to Selhurst Park, with another clause stating should Benteke manage to attract Pardew’s Belgian targets by next summer, Liverpool will receive a £3.2M add-on. This is providing they cover the cost of the two transfers, however. Pardew recently said “We believe this deal would benefit everyone involved. It can really only be described as ‘fair’.”