OFFICIAL: Joe Hart Exiled To Italy

Joe Hart’s fall from grace has been nothing if not acute. Pep Guardiola scrubbed him from Manchester City like a loofa across his bald head. Now, England’s number one keeper has a new destination: Italy.

For a keeper whose performance has been objectively excellent over the past 8 Premier League seasons, Joe Hart did not receive a very nice sendoff. Talk to Iker Casillas at Real Madrid about what that’s like.

The origin of Joe’s blood feud with Pep Guardiola remains mysterious. What is clear is that the real puppetmaster, Sheikh Mansour, doesn’t give a fuck about his four-time Golden Glove winning keeper.

Titles are what the deputy prime minister of UAE/Manchester City owner covets, and Pep Guardiola is the man who can deliver them. So if Pep says, “Joe Hart is trash and I’m cutting him,” there will be no argument from the guy who writes the checks.

Hart helped City to two Premier League titles, in the 2011-2012 and 2013-2014 seasons. But for Sheikh Mansour, a guy who could feasibly misplace a billion dollars, domestic titles don’t carry much weight. “Champions of Europe” has a much better ring to it than “Champions of England.”

So, by no fault of his own, Joe Hart is packing his bags for Italy and trading that Boddingtons in for a nice glass of red, having signed a season-long loan with last year’s 12th place Serie A finishers, Torino.

Not to rub salt in the wounds, but Tornio could have doubled the amount of points they got last year in Serie A and still finished below Juventus.

Any way you slice it, this is pretty shitty for Joe Hart. He is going from starting keeper at Manchester City, a place where talent, money, and success ooze from the ground like oil, to Torino, a team that you probably can’t name a single player on.

Here’s the good news for Joe Hart: he’s 29 years old with an excellent resume and still England’s starting goalie because Pep can’t kick him off the national team.

Yes, his extremely attractive girlfriend (Manchester City) broke up with him out of the blue, but there’s a lotta fish in the sea. Torino is just a rebound for Hart. After the season, he’ll settle down with someone nice and things will go back to normal.

Until then, Joe, just think of someone else when you’re on the field. Close your eyes and pretend you’re tending Real Madrid’s net.




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