Football films tread a fine line between pure brilliance and utter shite – sadly, it’s usually the former. However, during the summer off, or the international breaks, we still need something to watch.
Footballing legends such as Cristiano Ronaldo and Zinedine Zidane have released films about their ‘lives’ – surprised to see CR7 opt for such an ego stroke?. Anyway, neither of the Real Madrid men made the seven – nor did that god awful Goal III – one of the Goal films did, as well some other absolute crackers…
7) United Passions
Honestly, this is hands down the worst football film, but also the worst ever film in general. With stars such as, Tim Roth and Sam Neill, it managed a hilarious $918 on it's opening weekend in North America. Largely down to the fact that it's representing FIFA in good light, after those fuckers put 30 mill behind it. All copies should be shoved up Sepp Blatter's area where the sun doesn't shine.
6) Looking for Eric
Slight improvement from United Passions. This British film starring the iconic, Eric Cantona, is about how the Frenchman inspired a recovering alcoholic to sort his life out with his kids and ex-wife. The footballing maverick helps in many different ways, but it didn't help when Cantona started doing those bloody 1664 adverts.
5) Mean Machine
Filled with a stellar cast, of the usual suspects; your Jason Stathams, Vinnie Jones, Danny Dyers, it's pretty obvious what you're going to get. A load of blokes behind bars, trying to get through prison life via the beautiful game. A good 90-minute killer, but not one to write home about.
4) Green Street
Was a toss up between Frodo's quest to find his second ring, or Football Factory. But, Green Street just about came on top due to that Northern bloke trying to do a cockney accent... bloody hilarious. Entertaining for many of reasons, but for those that haven't seen it, and intend to, we don't recommend getting your Nan round for a spot of cake and tea.
3) Bend It Like beckham
Oh christ, now we're talking. What a film this is. If you've not watched it, please do. Plus, Kiera Knightly's in it - tick. All about how an Indian girl, Jessminder, (I can hear her Mum saying it now), tries to pursue her passion for football, in an attempt to get a scholarship to America. A highlight of 2002, and must see for those that haven't.
A very close second for this brilliant film. Featuring Newcastle's greatest ever striker, Santiago Munez - sorry Shearer. This classic takes you through the journey of Munez' hardships in Mexico to St James' Park. With the help of the stunning, Anna Friel, along the way - wow.
1) The Damned United
Telling the story of the legend, Brian Clough's, tough time at Leeds and career at Derby. One of the most amazing and entertaining managers to brace the beautiful game. Michael Sheen, throughout the film gets the Nottingham man spot on. Reflecting the brilliant working relationship with Peter Taylor at the Rams. Informative, humorous, and a credit to the game. "I wouldn't say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one". Brian Clough.