Nike Rewards Pirlo With Shades of Red (Wine)

Ethan Tait

Andrea Pirlo plays football like a good cabernet sauvignon tastes; silky smooth and worth every penny. The man is a God amongst men on the football pitch and has been rewarded for his footballing successes with wine colored boots.

The new Nike cleats combine Andrea Pirlo’s love of wine with his ability to play a dime ball from anywhere on the pitch.

Pirlo just drips class no matter the place or the time and I salute Nike for capturing the godliness of the Italian Don in cleat form.

Bravo, Nike, bravo.

These boots are fucking gorgeous.

I want to make love sweet love to these boots with rose petals on the bed, silk boxer briefs, and Marvin Gaye playing in the background.

May I digress, I can’t reveal all my secrets.

All football fans know that Pirlo’s career as a player is unfortunately winding down. Nike wanted to honor the man that was the conductor of any side he was a part of, pulling the strings from midfield in a conductor-esque fashion, producing beautiful symphonies.

The man is even a poet with his words. His description of free kicks inspires and confuses all at once.

I strike dead balls alla Pirlo. Each shot bears my name and they’re all my children. They look like one another without being twins, even if they do boast the same South American twins.

Andrea Pirlo

We are unworthy of the man that is called Pirlo.

The boots pay tribute to the maestro’s love of wine and sport a deep-merlot colored leather and a sockliner made of cork. I heard it comes with a bottle opener as well.

The boots pay homage to his winery, his Italian successes, and his career that began in 1994.

The stoic midfielder has produced unforgettable displays of magic for both club and country and has imparted great wisdom from his time on the pitch.

I don’t feel pressure … I don’t give a toss about it. I spent the afternoon of Sunday, 9 July, 2006 in Berlin sleeping and playing the PlayStation. In the evening, I went out and won the World Cup.

Andrea Pirlo

I go out and play in front of close to a billion all around the world and I wet myself. For Pirlo, it’s a walk in the park. Life is simpler with Pirlo.

America is blessed to have seen this genius in person even if it is at the end of his long and storied career.

He plays football the way it’s supposed to be played, simply.


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