Spurs are Surprisingly Shitty

Ethan Tait

For me, Tottenham will always be shit, the lesser team in North London, and the underachieving little brother of an already underachieving Arsenal.

Tottenham is the lowest of low, the bottom of barrel.

Unfortunately, they’ve made headway into becoming a decent football club in the past couple years following the departure of Gareth Bale to the Spanish capital.

I hate Tottenham by nature, but Mauricio Pochettino has transformed the pricks into a team that can actually compete and then lose when it matters most…

Tottenham still finished 3rd in what was a very weak year for the Premier League and qualified for the Champions League group stage.

In my predictions for who would advance into the knockout stage of the competition, I comically excluded Tottenham from advancing as a sly dig at the shittiest club in the North London. I didn’t actually believe that they were going to wet the bed.


At Wembley for their opening match against Monaco in front of record-breaking crowd, they opened the match slow and failed to finish the chances they had in front of goal.

The only thing that could’ve made the game worse was if Radamel Falcao had scored against Spurs. That’s like Fernando Torres scoring in a Chelsea jersey.

I would’ve lost my shit if Falcao somehow found the back of the net and then mocked Spurs some more.

After the first match day, Tottenham sits in 4th place in their group.

Why must you try and emulate us?

A few Spurs players spoke after the game regarding theirĀ typical disappointing performance.

Christian Eriksen said,

We brought out all the fans and we were expecting a decent result against Monaco. Unfortunately, that couldn’t be done. Harry Kane still can’t figure out how to score again, Dele Alli tries to fight everyone, and Eric Dier doesn’t know what side he’s playing for anymore. I shouldn’t have signed that contract extension, why the hell would I put myself in this hell for 4 more years? I don’t know. We can’t even beat a team who lost their best player to United.

Christian Eriksen

That looks like faux happiness to me.

I can’t be angry though, Tottenham are shit once again and everything is right in the world.



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