David Ospina For Balon d’Or

Ethan Tait

Ospina has failed to impress since his arrival at the Emirates, usually playing second fiddle to whomever the hell else is in net, whether it is Petr Cech or Wojciech Sketchney.

The Colombian first choice keeper hasn’t had the most successful run in the side, but his heroics against PSG in the first Champions League match of the year has fans wanting to kiss the ground before him.

The Gunners started off the match in particular poor form after conceding in just 42 seconds at the Parc de Princs.


Ospina was left out to dry in the early goal finished by Edinson Cavani, but managed to keep the Uruguay striker at bay for the rest of match.

Word has it that Cavani is still in the back pocket of the Arsenal net minder.


Two spectacular one v one saves from the Colombian kept Arsenal in the match, allowing Ozil and Alexis to combine and produce the equalizer.

A point in Paris is huge for Arsenal, who have managed to shit themselves and then have had to rely on a fantastic result in the last group match in order to qualify for the knockout round.

Qualifying for the top spot in the group might get Arsenal to the quarterfinals of the tournament for the first time since ‘Nam. With that, Arsene Wenger would probably be rewarded with another 10-year contract extension.

Oh joy.

Back to Ospina.

A goalkeeper hasn’t ever won the Balon d’Or, but a strong case should be made for the Arsenal shot stopper. Actually, fuck it; he deserves a goddamn Nobel Prize.

Just kidding, he barely qualifies as the second best goalkeeper on the Arsenal roster.

He did inspire an Arsenal side that should’ve been down 3-0 at one point. That’s worth something.

The front line wasn’t seeing any of the ball and Alexis Sanchez was considering becoming a center back in order to get the ball at his feet.

Ospina played out of his mind and beyond his ability in Paris and will now be tasked with recreating that form throughout the tournament.

When faced with the need to perform, David Ospina will let us down, much like the wanker named Paul Pogba in Manchester.

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