The list of things Pep Guardiola has banned at Manchester City is amusing

Pep Guardiola is full of revelations. From banning Joe Hart due to hair jealousy, to showing Samir Nasri the door for the Frenchman’s soft spot for slices of pizza. And now the Spaniard has come up with a new one for the Citizens; no wifi… brilliant.

Pablo Zabaleta has recently stated to TyC Sports about the City boss…

“He forces us to have breakfast and lunch together at the club. The internet is cut off, we are held incommunicado. We don’t even use 3G.”

The Argentine goes one further to suggest how the ex-Bayern Munich manger is opening up Zabaleta’s eyes to a knew seth for life by the looks of things…

“You learn a lot, especially the way how you should live. Beyond the knowledge of his ideas, you see the passion with which he lives for football.”

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In an era where people are more buried into their phones, than they are into a cup of tea on Monday morning; the restriction of use for such devices should be a welcomed introduction from the Citizens boss. Players/people – they aren’t the same as us – nowadays, are caught in a vicious cycle of communicating through mobile phones, and isolating themselves through over-sized headphones.

To actually converse over breakfast and lunch, communicating either football tactics or personal escapades will help team chemistry and general bonding.

Daily Mail

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However, there have been leaked reports from the Etihad that Pep has gone one step too far, and introduced some other pretty ridiculous rules…

1)Yaya Toure

Guardiola has come up with the opposite for the Ivorian. A ‘phone only’ policy; as the 33-year-old is now banned from the dining table, and is strictly only allowed phone his agent – just to stir up some more shit.

2) Tika-taka

If anyone utters the phrase tika-taka, they are immediately dropped. Apparently John Stones was dickin’ about in training, shouting the words ‘City-taka’; hence the Englishman being recently dropped and replaced by left-winger/full-back, Aleksandar Kolarov.

3) Treats to health

On leaving the training ground, Manuel Pellegrini left out Haribo for the lads following a hard session. Pep’s replaced this with cauliflower and broccoli, and has reportedly been rewarding Raheem Sterling with the treat following his fine form.

4) Barber visits

Pep gets all the lads around, and shares the memes doing the rounds regarding Man United’s, Paul Pogba – Frenchman for Sallon d’Or ?. Following the audacious lids, such as Pogba’s, Rooney’s extensions, Daley Blind and Zlatan’s man-buns, Pep has enforced a strict policy to keep the hair-cuts to your average sort of trim. Seems to be working wonders for Kevin de Bruyne and David Silva.

*imagined by Ed Angeli

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