If you entered this article about Manchester United and ISIS, thinking you’d be about to read a story on how Jose Mourinho has taken over as leader of the organisation, you’re in the majority – it really is true, that delusional morons stick together.
SEE ALSO: WATCH: Argentine footballer does his best Eric Cantona kung fu impression
For now, Mourinho hasn’t left Old Trafford, and remains in charge of the sinking ship that is Manchester United. However, his desire to cling on to a world-class status that has long deserted him, may see him turn to ISIS, as they continue to try and find some sort of relevance/respect in the Middle East – and then presumably the world.
Like Jose, ISIS are incredibly petty – you always imagine Mourinho would be the guy who sits in his car, whilst you wait to take his parking spot, until you’ve finally grown impatient and driven away – and the latest in the group being absolute fucktards, they’ve opted for this:
Punishment for being caught wearing a Manchester United top – or any gear made by Adidas and Nike – is 80 lashes. And if you gave anyone the chance to painfully watch a game bypass Paul Pogba or 90 minutes of Jesse Lingard pretending he isn’t completely out of his depth, I think we’d all take the 80 lashes.
Everyone can remember that chip against Sunderland from King Eric. Everything about the goal, the flight time of the ball to the celebration of the Frenchman was nothing short of poetry. The look from United’s no. 7, and the hoist of the collar just about summed up the football renegade in 30 seconds. Image Source: Twitter
If people ask, are Liverpool, Man United’s greatest rivals? You only have to look as far as that Gary Neville celebration against the Merseyside club. Whether he was right or wrong, you couldn't help but let out a wry smile when G Nev celebrated in front of the Liverpool fans. It led to the United captain being charged £5,000. But, who could blame the right-back? Rio Ferdinand’s last-minute winner against Liverpool, no doubt made the fine well worth it. Image Source: Twitter
Robin van Persie
You won't see a better volley. Period. Image Source: Metro
’20, times, 20 times…’
This is an odd choice, but one Man United fans may never forget. The Reds were 3-0 down at Old Trafford, to LIVERPOOL, under David Moyes. Could there be a worst case scenario? You'd usually expect to hear a load of Mancs swearing to the away end, or ripping their chairs out. However, the Stretford End instead sang ’20 times, 20 times…’ for around 10 solid minutes. An amazing moment, in which history and tradition outweighed getting turned over 3-0 by the biggest enemy on home soil. Incredible. Image Source: Twitter
Welcome to 'Fergie Time'. The old boy was known for his ferocious watch-tapping as he chumps on the gum harder than a raver at some grimy festival. Big Stevie Bruce’s winner against, Sheffield Wednesday, seven minutes after the whistle had gone, to clinch the title, is the best possible introduction to the famous 'Fergie Time'. Brian Kidd’s celebration on the touchline wasn’t bad either. Image Source: Twitter
Who could ever forget the Scot's famous line in 1995, “You'll never win anything with kids”. We often see pundits eat their own words, but nothing has quite topped Hansen’s rant, followed by the infamous line. How wrong the pundit could be, as the ‘kids’ went on to a memorable title. Image Source: Twitter
"Nani crosses the ball from the touchline, and it's Rooneyyyyyyy!" Image Source: Twitter
Man United 8, Arsenal 2
The image of Fergie almost looking apologetic, and consoling Wenger on the touchline after the game was one of the pictures of 2011. Image Source: Twitter
One of the ‘kids’. The one leading the pack with a new haircut every day. That weekend against Wimbledon, the golden curtains decided to score one of the most famous Premier League goals ever. Image Source: Twitter
After Fergie coined the blue-half of Manchester, the Noisy Neighbours, what better way to silence them through a Liverpool legend - step up, Michael Owen. Image Source: Twitter
To be fair to Arsenal, the ‘2004 Invincibles’ was probably the best ever Premier League team. To go a whole season undefeated, highlighted the balance and brilliance Wenger had at his disposal. However, all that had to come to an end, and of course, it was at Old Trafford. The 2-0 victory for the Red Devils ended in real drama, with Cesc Fabregas, throwing Pizza at the United boss, and about a 22-man brawl in the tunnel. They don’t make rivalries like this anymore! Image Source: Twitter
Fergie’s last game at Old Trafford won’t be remembered as a classic, a 2-1 victory against Swansea. But the guard of honour, to the boss’s speech was an overwhelming occasion for United fans. A real moment of history at Man United, as the league waved goodbye to its greatest ever manager. Image Source: Twitter
Thankfully for West Ham fans, their kits are made by Umbro, but if they ever do make the swap to Adidas or Nike, you have to worry what ISIS would do to them. Maybe they’d be forced to watch every single minute of Mark Noble’s Hammers career *shudders*…perish the thought.