The England XI actually capable of making us excited for the Three Lions

Joshua Byers

Gareth Southgate has named his England squad for the upcoming games against Scotland and Spain, and there aren’t many surprises.

This in of course unsurprising in itself; Southgate could at best be described with the backhanded compliment of being ‘a safe pair of hands’, at worst a man so boring that he could (and probably did) put a coked-up Paul Gascoigne to sleep. Sorry, Scotland fans, but it’s England-Scotland coming up and Gazza has been mentioned – we have to do this.

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If you don’t believe us, check out his U21s team-talk, following their elimination from the European Championships – looking more like a Mathlete coach commiserating his team on not making it to the regional quarterfinals than an under-21 manager who has just been dumped out of a major tournament.

To be fair to Southgate, the squad he’s picked is about the best available, but considering how fucking uninteresting international breaks are, regularly approaching us like a brutish school bully and snatching our sweet Premier League action out of our hands, wouldn’t you like to see him play a completely left field side? At least it might actually be worth tuning in, just to see how they fared.

Here at Clickon, we’ve taken a look at who that team might be if Gareth were to have a moment of inspired madness.


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