We’re not quite sure what’s caused more uproar, Jose Mourinho leaving out Bastian Schweinsteiger, or Donald Trump being elected as President of the United States. Either way, both shocks have affected the former German captain.
The midfielder married the lovely, Ana Ivanovic, who ‘serves up’ as one of Bastian’s slightly more successful stories from 2016. Game, set and match to Mourinho.
Now, Basti has a new enemy to contend with; the President of America. The beacon of hope for fighting our 21st century problems; from sorting out a polarised nation, to dealing with the Middle East. Cometh the man, cometh the Donald.
We all know that Trump has been through more woman than George Best, we’re surprised he didn’t get his hands on Hillary. Nevertheless, looks like Trump has a new target. Spray tan ready, foldable wig on; the Republican is heading for Bastian Schweinsteiger’s missus.
“She [Ana Ivanovic] is the most beautiful woman I have seen in my life. Simply the most beautiful.”
The Man United man best be on razor sharp lookout; we all know how charming the Donald can be…
“When you’re a star they [women] let you do it… You can do anything.”
“I did try and fuck her, she was married… [you can] grab them by the pussy”.
Donald Trump, as reported by the Washington Post
We’re surprised with this sort of rhetoric, that Ivanovic isn’t on the next flight to Washington. Who wants to be hanging around with a player who trains with the reserves anyway?! Yeah, yeah, you’ll all come jumping out saying “Bastian is back in first team training“. Bollocks. He’s not. Mourinho purely brought him in to act as opposition for a training exercise.
The guy is about as isolated as that bloke on the moon in last year’s John Lewis Christmas ad. Ivanovic, if I was you, I’d up sticks and get yourself to the White House. It would certainly beat bloody Manchester during the winter.