Cristiano Ronaldo is a global star. The Real Madrid man is the greatest player this generation has ever seen. And with the looks, skills and ego to match his worldwide reputation, the bloke’s worth a few quid too. Everything he does is monitored and pored over by the media, his fans and most advertisers. Even the most trivial of things…
Having signed for Real Madrid until 2021 in a contract that saw Ronaldo put pen to paper for £365,000 a week (what a tough decision that must have been), the Portuguese international then announced a new deal with the sportswear giants, Nike. It will reportedly be (somewhat creepily) “for life” and could be worth up to a billion pounds. That’s no exaggeration. £1,000,000,000. As in 38,000 times the average UK salary for parading around with a fucking tick on his perma-tanned chest. Not that I’m jealous or anything, but what a tosser.
Anyway the fella is clearly pretty well off and is now effectively owned by the vast corporations that he’s pawned his name to.
“They have specific people that work with me. This means a lot because it means I can give my feedback to them and they can listen to my opinion, so we work as family.”
Awh, how cute. Of course you do, mate.
But whilst Ronaldo was busy playing happy families, he made one crucial mistake.
“Cristiano Ronaldo faces fine from Adidas-sponsored Real Madrid for wearing Nike glasses to contract renewal presentation” ?????
— Shaolin Fantastic (@_IAMDOMINIC_) 13 November 2016
Should have gone to Specsavers, pal. Ba-dum tish.
Allow us to elaborate…
Real Madrid and Adidas are in a each other’s beds. Ronaldo is in Nike’s and Real Madrid’s. Tart. Adidas and Nike don’t like each other.
Subsequently, Real Madrid ban all Nike products at their public events to keep their sugar daddies happy. Mr Ronaldo made the grave mistake of donning a pair of Nike specs at the announcement of his contract renewal. He has therefore broken club regulations and made Adidas give Real Madrid the silent treatment. Boo hoo. Poor multi-millionaires in their topsy turvy love nest. Cue corporate bitching.
But it’s not like Ronaldo exactly came bursting in with a full Nike trackie and Huraches waving a colossal tick above his head screaming ‘Just Do It’, Shia LaBeouf style.
No, the man wore a pair of glasses with a tick no bigger than a Borrower’s finger. Okay yeah, we were stretching with that one.
It’s a symbol of how corporately run modern football is today in that Ronaldo could be facing a fine for his endorsement of the franchise he’s signed to, because his club are signed to another. Adidas and Madrid are like that petty girlfriend who un-follows other girls on Instagram.
That’s not to say anyone feels much remorse for the prolific winker. Sorry, winger. The glasses stunt was probably pre-meditated anyway because, let’s be honest, only geography teachers who cycle in a hi-vis wear sporty specs. And, having established that CR7 has already earned about £150 in the time it took you to read this article, the fine won’t burn too large a hole in the pocket of his Nike-endorsed trousers. Or Nike-endorsed wallet. Let’s just hope he doesn’t flaunt that hole near the Bernabéu. Law-suits will abound…
Anyway, if you’re sitting at work right now, or going to or from work or even just thinking about work (sorry, our fault), you can take pleasure from the fact that you can wear whatever glasses you like today. You lucky devils, you. It’s almost worth not being a multi-millionaire for that alone.