Cristiano Ronaldo’s hotel bar is the most CR7 thing ever

Ethan Tait

There isn’t anything Cristiano Ronaldo can’t do. He’s a footballing icon, underwear model, on the Nike books for life, father, and proud hotel owner. 

At his hotel in Lisbon, a stiff drink has been constructed to honour the man in the most outrageous and over the top manner possible.

Meet the Ballon d’Or…

This beverage itself is made of cane sugar, passion fruit juice and syrup, an orange slice, saffron, and vodka. Legend has it that this drink spontaneously makes the consumer very irritable forcing them to walk around the bar like they own the place, throw a fit when a woman refuses to speak to them, and miss free-kicks.

Evidently, this is the favourite cocktail of Ronaldo despite not drinking, but Ronaldo’s hotel in Lisbon has constructed a drink fit for the Portugal and Real Madrid star.

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The contents really fit the personality of Ronaldo if you analyse it fully.

Passionfruit is very exciting of the palate and tangy and takes the place as the centre of attention in any drink or dish. Cane sugar is more a natural sugar and better tasting than putting fucking stevia in your cocktail. The orange slice saffron are the healthier components of the drink with one needing your daily serving fruit and saffron is known to have some sort of damn benefit; like you’re actually thinking of that when choking down the fourth one of these on the night.

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But what really is the kicker (pun intended) is the choice of alcohol for the beverage, vodka. Basic women have been consuming vodka for centuries and Cristiano Ronaldo is about as basic as they come. Do expect to get white girl wasted with this cocktail.

The timing of this cocktail is spot on as Ronaldo looks to collect his fourth Ballon d’Or in January and once again make a fool out of himself by yelling after accepting the award.

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Now, this new finding will be used by Ronaldo fans against Messi in order to demonstrate his superiority.

“Does Messi have a cocktail at his hotel named the ‘Ballon d’Or’? Didn’t think so, bro.”

Every CR7 fan


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