In terms of imposing figures within the game, you don’t get much more intimidating than Yaya Toure. The bloke is a fucking unit and you wouldn’t want to rub him up the wrong way, which makes this tale all the more surprising.
It turns out, all you need to frighten the life out of good old Yaya is a bit of skill on the football pitch. Not massive gangsters, spiders or snakes – just a natural ability for the game. How do we know this? Well, courtesy of the greatest footballer on the face of the planet of course.
In a past meeting between the two, City’s midfield maestro was quivering in his size 500 boots at the prospect of facing the Argentine superstar. So much so, he was literally at the mercy of Messi for the entire game.
“Last year in the dressing room he jokingly said he will nutmeg me. I saw him nutmeg two of my team-mates and thought he’d do it to me. Whenever he came near me I screamed inside ‘please not me, don’t nutmeg me’. I was afraid he’d embarrass me in front of my family.”
You can just picture dramatic Hollywood-esque music in the background getting progressively worse as the blonde haired assassin runs towards Yaya. The sweat drips down his face as the 33-year-old looks towards his family in the stands with tears rolling down his face. Beautiful stuff, that.
But in all seriousness, Yaya needs to grow a big old set of bollocks. Sure we’d all be absolutely terrified at the sheer idea of playing against Lionel Messi, but the bloke is tiny in comparison to the Ivory Coast international.
Toure could quite literally squash him like a bug and whilst he may not be able to compete from a technical stand point, that’s not the only component in football that can give you the edge over an opponent.
Clatter into him. Make him know you’re there. Round all those beautiful stereotypes up from Sunday League football and jam them into Messi’s ankles. 60% of the time it works, every time.
Take a look at the Ballon d’Or winners if Messi and Ronaldo didn’t exist…