Joey Barton’s time at Rangers was a bit torrid, to say the least. From training ground bust-ups to cheeky bets on matches deemed a little more than just cheeky, the man saw his contract terminated only two months into the season. But now, the former Manchester City and QPR midfielder has made a shock move back into one of his former clubs… And it was a big step for the Scouse to take.
Unfortunately he wasn’t rekindling his prime days at Newcastle or going continental back in Marseille, but went back to the slightly less glamorous parts of Burnley. Well, to be more specific, Burnley’s Whatsapp group chat. Big move for the 34-year-old.
A Joey Barton return? Thoughts Burnley fans? https://t.co/eUxL3lI3YM
— Match of the Day (@BBCMOTD) December 10, 2016
Having headed back to the Clarets with the fresh taste of haggis still abusing his mouth and the screeches of bagpipes testing his sanity on a continuous, droning cycle of tuneless shite in his head; Barton began training again to “get himself fit” according to Burnley’s resident ginger Heisenburg, Sean Dyche.
Now, having begun to incorporate himself into the squad once more, the lads at Turf Moor felt somewhat pressured on his return to stick him back into the “Burnley Boyz On Tour” group chat. We thought we’d drop a text through to the Clarets’ striker, Sam Vokes, and find out some more. Here is the man’s grand re-entrance direct from Vokes’ phone.
*07521706987 was added*
Georgie Boy Boyd: Fuck this
Benj Mee: Why tf is he back
Steve Defour: Fuck off joe mate
07521706987: Alright lads look im sorry about all wot happened with leavin yous and being an arse and all that but i just wanna get the bantz back from b4
GB: Give it a rest Barts
Andre Gray: nah fuck it the geezas a joker
wanna slag off some homosexuals with me mate i got some cracking lines ready
*07521706987 was re-named: Joseph Barton*
Joseph Barton: i got a couple linez and all mate but not the sort you mean oi oi
AG: fucking ggeeezzzza
JB: Gotta be subtle though mate dont want the gaffer clocking when im pinging off me nut at training
AG: i got you bro come meet me round that shed next to the ground where dodgy tony and his missus live
JB: be there n 10
An eventful start for the goatee-sporting, spiritually in-touch midfielder, then.
AG: actually pal you wanna fuck training off and go spoons ??
JB: yeah y not bruv theres a little fitty behind the bar there mite go give it a go
AG: u do well with the tarts when theres a bit of blow up ya hooter tbh
JB: come on then any of u other boys wanna come or u all 2 pussy for it
GB: Got training
BM: Yeah we wanna win on Saturday you know mate
There was then a quick breakdown of the training session for the players who couldn’t make it, but we’ll leave that bit out. Back to Barton a few hours later.
Steven Defour: You two are bang in trouble when you come back to training
George Boyd: Gaffer’s gonna switch
JB: fuck him stupid ginge
AG: yeah cant understand what the geeza says anyway he sounds like my nan after her 89th B&H of the morning
JB: spot on that is pal. ill just nut him. see how he switches then
AG: you boys should of come you know
SD: Got my cardio to focus on mate
GB: Yep the match tomorrow is a big one
JB: screw yous then me and andy boy are off to the bog with our old mate charlie
AG: ave itt
Joey Barton yesterday. Charlie Adam’s reaction says it all… ?? pic.twitter.com/MFwq9rsr4q
— Premier League (@EPLBible) December 9, 2016
The pair of trouble makers settled down for a while after that it seemed but jumped back into the group chat an hour or so later…
JB: here you r boys a little group chat game for ya
whos got the best knockers out of:
GB: Ffs Joey you played this every week last season we ain’t up for it anymore
SD: and every time you said Pat out of Eastenders had the best pair
GB: and no one fucking agrees!
JB: how about
how much of a nob do we think the boss is
GB: Decent fella actually
JB: couldnt have put it better myself andy his beard is way more crap than mine an all
did u boys no ive got an england cap???
AG: and a criminal record what a geeza
JB: yep nutted a pikey in this very pub for it
AG: talking of nutting pikeys joe..?
JB: read my fuckin mind mate
GB: Boys don’t do anything stupid
JB: too late bellend :-))
*Joseph Barton was removed*
Wow. Keep an eye out for Mr Barton in tomorrow’s papers then, although your guess is as good as ours as to what he and Gray got up to. Whatever it is, we fear they won’t be appearing in many group chats from now on.
The players with over 100 international caps will shock you…