According to CNN, the “city within a city” that will be housing the Olympians in Rio come Sunday will be distributing 450,000 condoms among the rooms. That’s 42 condoms per athlete.
The real reason why every married/engaged/taken golfer is not allowed to go to the Olympics https://t.co/NCQeygD03b
— No Laying Up (@NoLayingUp) July 25, 2016
Not only was Rory quoted saying that golf isn’t an important Olympic sport, but he was also not impressed with the condom manufacturer.
“Trojan condoms are for little fairy boys. They wouldn’t provide me with Nike ones so I pulled out before it was too late.”
Jordan wouldn’t go on record about whether or not he uses condoms with his long time girlfriend, but we’ll just assume he doesn’t.
Thankfully for us, we don’t have to sit through what would surely be an atrocious and painstakingly awkward condom commercial if he hadn’t withdrawn.
Clearly DJ doesn’t use them either, but he did try to scheme his way into copping a few baggies from other Olympians in exchange for the rubbers.
With the Olympic field confirmed and set, Jason Day was the only one who went on record regretting his former decision to withdraw.
“Dash is already a handful,” Day explained. “The Zika virus and the frangers would have definitely swayed Ellie from a cheeky root.”
This condom controversy got way out of hand. Don’t worry though, Tiger was right there to pick up all the leftovers. Girls and condoms included, dick pics to follow.
****This is a satirical post. These are not real quotes and is strictly for humor purposes. The only real thing about this is that Rio is handing out 42 condoms per athlete.