What in the actual F, Tiger Woods?
Where does a lowly scribe even begin in discussing the wonder/horror that is TW’s “Mac Daddy Santa”? You’d need to summon the ghosts of Grantland Rice and Herbert Warren Wind to give this abomination a proper treatment…
Harkening back to the extorted weirdness that was Woods’ 2010 Vanity Fair cover (if you’ve forgotten, see below), Mac Daddy Santa is almost incomprehensibly odd from a man who both guards his privacy fiercely and isn’t given to running around shirtless (the aforementioned Vanity Fair cover is one of Woods’ few topless excursions).
Damn. There’s more to unpack in Mac Daddy Santa than there are packages in Santa’s sack.
We’ll start with the nomenclature: Mac Daddy Santa. Thinking back to middle school, , “mac daddy” or “mack daddy” is a term generally used in relation to a player or a literal pimp. The absurdity of Woods—who was/is quite the friend to the ladies—creating a character FOR HIS CHILDREN, i.e., a son and daughter from Elin, the woman who he relentlessly cheated on as he was macking it up is beyond belief.
Second: Why the heck is he shirtless? This gets to a larger point: Something is lost in translation here. Surely T Dubs is referencing some 70s blacksploitation flick or something, right? Right? Please advise.
Third: The Manic Panic goatee. Ho-ho…Oh no. This thing calls to mind Tiger’s inglorious bleached blonde era.
Fourth: The hair…wig or Santa hat under baseball hat?
Fifth: Only going here because so many in the Twitterverse have paved the way: the nipple hair. Lordy, Lordy. If I were a shirtless billionaire, I’d probably manscape the donut of pubes around my nips if I were going to be taking a picture that millions of people would see. But with respect to his appearance, Tiger’s gonna Tiger.
Of course, scorching hot takes aplenty were flying around the Twitterverse yesterday. Here are just a few.
— Curtis Burch (@curtisburch) December 22, 2016
Tiger Woods is rolling to the Christmas party like pic.twitter.com/0tkECvbxqG
— Hector Diaz (@iamHectorDiaz) December 22, 2016
— st. nick (@nick_pants) December 22, 2016
— Jolly NHL Dinger (@atf13atf) December 22, 2016