More specifically, Gary Player’s favorite Arnold Palmer story, which he told at the Masters last year, is Arnold Palmer pooping on a green during an exhibition in Japan. Full stop. That’s pretty much it.
There is no shortage of touching tributes to Arnold Palmer at the tournament that bears his name this week. This, however, isn’t one of them. Again: Real thing, that actually happened. Watch the video.
Wait. What? Let’s just recap for a moment here. This is exactly what Gary Player told the Golf Channel. Read it and weep.
“And my favorite story: We’re playing in Japan. And we’re on this green. It’s a big T.V. show. The crowds were just all around the green. And Arnold, unfortunately, he had a big poop on the green. And I started to laugh, and he walked away. The referee of the match came up to me said said “Player san…no poop on green!” I said, “No, it wasn’t me! It was Palmer.” He said, “No! Palmer never poop on green. Palmer king, he never do it!”
We can’t be sure when the Japanese exhibition Player is referencing took place. And there doesn’t appear to be any corroboration for the Black Knight’s account floating around. However, what Player is alleging is nothing less than Arnold Palmer, in full view of a crowd of golf fans, pulled down his pants and relieved himself on the green.
It’s a story that’s so totally incomprehensible, it’s hard not to be both deeply skeptical and wanting more details. So much happened between “unfortunately” and “he had.”
It’s not impossible to imagine a situation in which the King couldn’t find a throne and needed relief. What is impossible to believe, however, is that Gary Player decided to tell this story on national television and presented it as his “favorite” Palmer-related tale. You can see how uncomfortable the interviewer is, which makes this so much better. He couldn’t change the topic fast enough, where we would want every dirty detail.
Takeaways: Never change, Gary Player. Long live the King. Know where your nearest restroom is at all times.