These are the golfers you’d want to invite to your dinner party and the two you definitely don’t.
Miguel Angel Jimenez
“It is relaxing to enjoy a good wine, a cigar, good food, a whisky,” said Miguel, also known as “The Mechanic” due to his love for fast cars. “You have to take the time to enjoy them. You cannot enjoy them if you rush them, no? You cannot enjoy life if you rush,” he adds, taking a sip from his Rioja – a wine from the Spaniard’s native land.
Charisma oozes from the Spaniard as easily as the smoke from one of his Cubans. In fact Jimenez gets the invite based on booze and stogies alone. It would be like asking Mother Tereasa to bring some bandages, or Bill Clinton to bring sexual indiscretion; Miguel wouldn’t disappoint you.
Some of the purists will be wondering if this is only going to be about the renegades of the game…yes, yes it is. If you want to hear good ol’tales about winning Majors go watch a few sentimental Gary Player interviews because at this dinner party we want to hear the dirt.
We’ll place DJ next to Jimenez and make sure the “The Mechanic” engineers some insobriety. We want DJ dribbling drunk so we can hear the ins and outs of his
certain alleged ban for taking Cocaine. We could then blackmail him, steal his phone, and ask Paulina if she wouldn’t mind inviting some of her mates over for our soiree.
Hang on a minute, Bubba Watson?! You mad bro! Well as everyone knows it’s always more fun when you have a bit of conflict at dinner. Miguel would be chewing through his bottle of red wine as Bubba desperately tried to instigate some pre-dinner pray. DJ would be off in the toilet, “man he’s been gone for sometime” you would think, and the whole thing would be a beautiful mess.
Bubba has many faults, being boring is not one of them. The contradiction in lifestyles between himself and DJ would make for some hilarious banter, not to mention the d*** measuring contest that the “longest hitter” debate would involve.
The Northern Irishman owns his own restaurant – “The Nona Blue” – and he knows how to enjoy the finer things in life. A Major winner and an all round ‘top bloke’, he’d bring some much needed balance to the chaotic collection of personalities.
When GMac wins he buys everyone a drink at Rathmore, his home golf course in Northern Ireland, as well as footing the bill at the Lake Nona Golf & Country Club where he plays in Florida.
You want to feel comfortable at dinner so I’m afraid Jordan wouldn’t be making the cut. Sitting next to a 22-year-old with that much ability and maturity would make you feel pretty inadequate. This would be compounded by your burnt lasagne and modestly set table.
To make things more annoying Jordan would probably think he was being helpful by showing up with a bucket load of coke. Jee thanks, you shouldn’t have, no really you shouldn’t have! Reeling from the disappointment we would be forced to console DJ, who had rather naively misinterpreted Jordan’s generosity for something rather more sinister. This whole incident would be a bit of a boner killer, sorry Jordan but not tonight.
Again this might surprise you but I have my reasons. Phil is a lot of fun on Tour, he loves to gamble and often talks about how much he enjoys Tuesday practice rounds when he gets to show those young bloods how to hustle. But that’s the problem! We want to sink some drinks and shoot the breeze, I would be concerned that Phil’s insatiable appetite for gambling would ruin the carefully constructed debauchery of the evening.
At least he could hold back Miguel’s hair as he aggressively spews in the bathroom…but sometimes that isn’t enough.