Jamie Carragher: 737 Liverpool games and 38 caps for England. A man who enjoyed an expansive playing career and will surely go down as one of the greatest of his generation.
But we don’t care about that. He’s quality on Monday Night Football, isn’t he?
Come to think of it, we hardly remembered that he even played football. And that’s clearly because the 39-year-old is so good in the TV spotlight. It hasn’t gone unnoticed, either, as last week saw Carragher offered the chance to appear on that guilty pleasure the nation adores; ‘I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!’. Absolute comedy gold, that show.
— Jamie Carragher (@Carra23) August 16, 2017
So, taking one of our greatest TV personalities and sticking him on one of our greatest TV shows would be a top idea. Right?
You can imagine it now. Though, if you’re struggling to, we spoke to the MNF pundit to find out how things would go down.
Here’s what he had to say.
“Alright, lads, where’s Gaz [Neville]?”
We told Carragher that he was, in fact, going to be carrying out our interview alone, without his MNF co-star. He began to sweat profusely.
“Oh, yeah, that’s, erm, great. Who am I gonna banter, though? Can’t do it on me own. Would I be without him on the show and all?”
We asked Carragher how he thought he’d get on, stuck in a jungle for up to three weeks.
“You see, I’d be alright for three of the days I’m in there but pretty stuffed on the others. Why? Because I only have a personality on Mondays, obviously. You’ve seen me on the box before.”
And what about the infamous Bushtucker Trials?
“Haha, lads, I’ve been managed by Roy Hodgson and Brendan Rogers. So I know what grueling pain feels like and how to block it out. I’ll be okay.”
Checking Carra’s Wikipedia page, we noticed some interesting things. Under the heading ‘Post-retirement activity’, he’s been described only to have visited ‘Carragher’s’ pub and play for ‘Soccer Aid’ alongside Robbie Fowler. So, really, he’s done very little.
“You know, I do actually do stuff. So I think I’d be alright in a popularity competition. I can be interesting. Last week, for example, I did loads of things. I did a Gary Neville impersonation. I then went and followed Steven Gerrard around but got stuck in his shadow, which was unusual for me. Oh and finally, I went and had one rich tea biscuit and a milky brew of Tetley with me old teammate, James Milner.”
“It was Thursday, see, one of my compulsory boring days. Like the other five are.”
Jamie Carragher gives his analysis of Liverpool FC back 4 pic.twitter.com/UzXt3Ce2Hi
— Darren Farley (@DFImpressionist) August 18, 2017
“Oh! I almost forgot… I also went round to see Thierry Henry and asked him to touch my leg so I could look shocked and make a Vine out of it. He said no, sadly. Something about, ‘stop asking me or I’ll call the police, Jay’.”
There’s been a great deal of speculation surrounding the idea of Carragher entering the jungle. And some minds have become a little imaginative.
“People want me and Nevs to become the new Ant and Dec? Haha. That’s actually not a bad idea. Think about it, us two are quite similar to those two. Slightly overrated, annoying Northern accents, funny together but completely redundant apart. Good thinking.”
Thinking longingly about his best pal, Neville, Carragher began to seem a bit distracted. So we started to wrap up. Finally, we asked Jamie Carragher, do you think you could win ‘I’m a Celeb’?
“Haha, you’re having me on, aren’t you? I played for Liverpool all my life, lads It’s not about the winning, it’s about the taking Europa League above all else. That’s what me and the boys used to say, anyway. Besides, I never bloody score so I’d have tough luck on the voting.”
And with that, Carragher was done. We thanked him for his time and shook his hand.
As he walked off, he whipped out his phone and hastily pressed a few buttons.
“Gary, mate, I did it! I know, all on my own! Are you proud?”