Dudes have all been there before. A guy see the hottest woman he’s ever laid eyes on and starts to see some familiar symptoms as he tries to work up the courage to just say ‘hi’: knees are shaking, palms are sweaty….you thought ‘mom’s spaghetti’ was next, didn’t you?
More times than not, the man will wuss out of the situation and play it off like it’s no big deal. But in his mind later on that night he will replay that scene over and over and over imagining himself walking up, smoother than Keith Stone, and getting said girl’s number.
After some envisionment, the unassertive guy takes matters into his own fingertips by shooting his shot with a girl in her DM’s. It has been proven that DM’s are the absolute worst way to message a woman who you’ve never spoken to before. It takes guys about 10-15 rejections through this method to realize that ladies find it creepy as all hell.
Chicago Cubs outfielder shot the shot of all shots when he slid into porn star Mia Khalifa’s DMs. He didn’t do it once and leave her alone. No, this man kept going back for three weeks straight!
— Mia K. (@miakhalifa) September 5, 2017
Dude, take a hint! First off, this girl is probably DM’d by hundreds of guys a day and even though you’re a strapping 25-year-old Cubbies outfielder still doesn’t mean you’ll get a positive response – or any for that matter.
Truth be told, there have been some men (who are usually handsome/famous/rich) who have slid into a woman’s DMs and come out successful. Like Andy Dufrane escaping Shawshank prison, it was a shot in the dark but it was well-rewarded.
Contreras shot himself in the foot with his first message: “I know you get this a lot but I’m big fan of you”. Dude, please sound more like a fanboy. For heaven’s sake you’re a World Series champion baseball player making millions of dollars, if you wanted to talk to her so bad you should have had your agent contact hers (that worked for Andy Rodick and Brooklyn Decker).
— Brooklyn Decker (@BrooklynDecker) August 30, 2017
The second strike for Contreras was breaking out the emojis far too early….like second-message too early. Never ever break out the heart emoji when talking to a girl for the first time. It’s like showing your hand to the entire poker table and still thinking you’re going to win.
Khalifa delivers the third strike by simply saying “bye” after he hits her with a third message after the premature emojis.
All of the messages that follow like “good morning” and “good afternoon” are pretty sad and pathetic. You know Khalifa wouldn’t have put him on blast had he just accepted defeat after ‘bye’.
Contreas’ agent tried to play this whole thing off by saying that his client’s Twitter account was hacked and that these messages were part of the hack. Because that totally makes sense for your twitter to be DMing popular porn stars with a variety of messages.
Sliding into the DMs is never a horrible idea….doing it for three weeks straight is a horrible idea and will get you humiliated.