Pokemon are great, aren’t they?
Those cute little critters running around and capturing our hearts as we catch them. They’re so darling, we just can’t wait to learn more about all our favorites by reading our Pokedex. Oh… Oh God!
Yep, those adorable little creatures have haunting skeletons in their closets. The Pokedex makes for spookier reading than an Edgar Allen Poe anthology, consider these monsters hidden in plain sight. These are all genuine Pokedex entries that will make you think twice about accepting that offer from Professor Oak.
Drifloon is a ghost Pokemon with the appearances of a balloon whose mouth is permanently taped shut. And that’s a good thing because otherwise ‘it’s soul spills out with a screaming sound’. As if that’s not enough, because apparently, it’s not, you had better not mistake Drifloon for a balloon.
As the Pokedex tells us Drifloon likes to disguise itself as a balloon so small children grab it. At which point it grabs them back and ‘drags them away to the afterlife’.
— Emmanuel Arizmendi (@arizdesign) April 6, 2017
Sliggoo is a cute, colorful snail Pokemon that even Ash invites along on one of his adventures. It can also secrete a mucus that can dissolve anything which it sprays on its prey before slurping them up. Unpleasant though that may be, if that’s the way Sliggoo needs to digest its food who are we to judge.
The only problem is ‘it has trouble drawing the line between friends and food’. Invite this Pokemon on your adventure and it may ‘calmly try to melt and eat’ you. If the thought of your live body dissolving in acidic mucus isn’t horrifying enough; Sliggoo will smile through your agonizing death and then eat the remains.
— Michael Thermopolis, Princess of Genovia. (@Flimflam91) August 24, 2016
Palossand is a haunted sand castle Pokemon which was built by innocent souls it possessed. ‘As it evolved it’s power to curse grew even stronger’ making it the powerful spectre it is today.
It lurks on the beach, luring unsuspecting folks and Pokemon into its clutches where it devours them. ‘Buried beneath the castle are masses of dried-up bones from those whose vitality it has drained’. Think we’ll stick to city breaks for our next holiday.
Oricorio is another Pokemon who tries to trick you with it’s cute and harmless appearances. The colorful bird comes in various forms inspired by dancing paraphernalia like pom poms or salsa. It doesn’t appear to stand out until we read it’s Pokedex entry for the Sensu Style Oricorio.
‘It summons the dead with its dreamy dancing. From their malice, it draws power with which to curse its enemies’. Necromancy, cute, and using that to curse its foes with the unfinished vendettas from spirits.
— Unitchi Kanawa (@unitchikanawa) September 27, 2017
Mimikyu is the lonely Pokemon, it disguises itself as a Pikachu so that trainers will love it. It achieves this through the use of old rags with a crude face drawn on them. Its true form is unknown but is said to be truly terrifying hence why Mimikyu hides its appearances.
It’s said ‘a scholar who saw what was under its rag was overwhelmed by terror and died from the shock’. We get a brief glimpse at some dark tentacles that appear from beneath the rags, but it’s probably best not to know. Its costume will occasionally break causing the head to snap and fall to the side so the exterior is pretty horrifying too.
— Laurel Tree (@LaurelTree14) October 24, 2017
It’s the seemingly cute Pokemon hiding sinister secrets that’s somehow worse than their ghostly counterparts. Despite the name Bewear is another seemingly harmless Pokemon, it’s a giant cuddly, pink bear. In fact, all it wants to do is cuddle its trainer who it loves, what could be scary about that.
Well, Bewear is nearly 7ft tall and apparently doesn’t know it’s own strength. As the Pokedex tells us ‘Many Trainers have left this world after their spines were squashed by its hug’. Which is a nice way of saying Bewear will love you so much it will literally smother you to death.
Banette is a pretty demonic looking Pokemon so it’s no surprise it harbours such a malevolent backstory. As a Gen 3 Pokemon it’s origin story has had time to evolve and we can piece together snippets for a terrifying tale. Firstly ‘Strong feelings of hatred turned a puppet into a Pokémon. If it opens its mouth, its cursed energy escapes’.
Okay, so it was an inanimate object brought to life by its sheer hatred, but hatred for what? Well, the Pokedex has this answer too, apparently Banette is ‘A doll that became a Pokémon over its grudge of being thrown away. It seeks the child who disowned it’. Oh, it’s your once-favorite childhood toy, that hates you for discarding it and now restlessly hunts for you. And it’s imbibed with a terrible curse it will surely unleash when it catches up to you.
Just for good measure so you know that one of your favourite childhood pastimes was always a horrifying mess; it’s Kadabra. There have been many Pokedex entries for Kadabra but it’s the ones that take a shot at its origin story that are unsettling.
‘A theory exists that this Pokémon was a young boy who couldn’t control his psychic powers and ended up transformed into this Pokémon’. Much like Kafka’s Metamorphosis, a small child woke up one morning to discover he had mutated into Kadabra. Presumably disowned by his parents, the boy was captured by a trainer and forced to battle for the rest of his life.
This does raise questions as to how Abra evolves and why there are so many Kadabra, but still, damn. What’s more ‘Kadabra’s presence infests televisions and monitors with creepy shadows that bring bad luck’.
Pokemon Don’t Go!
So next time you’re thinking of heading on a quest to be the very best, remember the horrors that lurk in the tall grass.
Maybe just stay at home and keep your mum company, there’s plenty of adventure to be had in Pallet town.