God Tax Our Gracious Queen: The Super Rich Are Winning Again

Ben Mountain

Every patriotic Brit knows and loves the good old national anthem. That rousing score that makes the hairs on the back of our necks stand proud, whilst the love and honour of our great nation swells inside us until it bursts out in a tearful, trembling display of chauvinism. What most Brits don’t know, however, is that ‘God Save The Queen’ is not its full title.

No, in fact, recent events have made one thing clear. It’s actually ‘God Save The Queen A Few Bob In Tax’.

Thanks to the recent leak of 13.4 million documents known as the Paradise Papers, the world’s super rich have been revealed to be the deceitful, manipulative, avaricious mercenaries that we all suspected they might be.

Sadly for some, much loved icons such as Her Majesty have fallen into this category.

Now, we won’t bombard you with details because, let’s be honest, they’re complex, lengthy and wordy, and do little but throw everyday people off from what’s happened.

If you pick up a paper today, you’ll be told that none of these tax-dodging criminals did anything wrong or illegal. Because exploiting loopholes to save millions of pounds in tax isn’t actually illegal. Morally bankrupt, ethically stomach-churning and principally broken, yes. But not illegal.

And so we should all stop caring.

The world’s millionaires were tax ‘avoiding’, which is fine, according to the legal system. When they ‘avoid’ tax, however, it costs the country £34billion. To put that into perspective, £3billion is lost in over or unfairly paid benefits. But you won’t see Lizzie and Lord Ashcroft plastered across The Daily Mail with ‘SCROUNGERS’ emblazoned across their disgraced faces.

When normal people fail to pay what they owe to the government, very serious sanctions are thrust down their throats and there’s nothing they can do about it. If we fail to render a measly 80 quid following a parking fine, we get taken to court and aggressively penalised.

When the Queen and those working on her behalf invest £10million into an offshore tax haven, they get defended. In fact, the get bloody paid for it out of the very same pocket they’re scamming.

How they must laugh as they watch £329million pour into the Queen’s bank from the money leeched off ‘her’ people, the people who work for 50 hours a week on minimum wage and still worship the woman.

How she must cackle as her state-funded Palace is refurbished for £370million of the tax-payers’ money. Did she spot the irony when over 80 people lost their lives in their tower block because the council wouldn’t spend £5000 on fireproofing the place?

Those people paid tax. They weren’t rich enough to ‘avoid’ it. They weren’t even rich enough to live somewhere where their lives were cared for.

We’re not arguing here for the abolition of the Monarchy, or that the Queen is some kind of sick sadist who causes the world’s problems. Although having said that, it is under the Monarchy’s name that we fight our wars and lose our soldiers. But that, for the moment at least, isn’t the point.

The point is that the people who run this country, are admired by its citizens, and have the power to justly improve our lives are doing the exact opposite of that. It’s not just the Queen, there’s a whole list of the malefactors who are at it, like Apple, and they’re far, far worse. But she’s the exalted figurehead of this country, and so seems a pretty good person to focus on. It’s a point of principle, isn’t it? You don’t rip money from your own people.

Whilst we have to spend at least 15 years in education, so we can spend at least 40 years in work in order to donate large chunks of our hard earned pensions in tax, the super rich have to purchase a good lawyer, a good accountant, a few private properties and then sit back and enjoy the ride. The ride being the one they’re taking us for, of course.

The very fact that it’s our head of state, whether she was complicit or not, that was laughing in the face of the people who work to fund her existence is symbolic. It highlights the gross levels of power that the super rich enjoy. If ever there’s been a great big metaphor for inequality, it’s this.

We are the Queen’s ‘subjects’ by law. That means the Crown Court, ironically, can tear us a new one as and when they please for minor financial discrepancies.

It also means she can get away with daylight robbery. Daylight robbery, sunlight robbery and bloody great chandelier light robbery. In fact, she can get away kind of robbery because she can’t be legally arrested.

So, Your Majesty, crack on, by all means. Only you can stop hiding it from us now, there’s nothing we can do anyway. We’ll keep working and you’ll keep earning.

The money the Queen avoids is what keeps our children in school, our elderly in care homes, and our Monarch with a £400million diamond in her hat.

Perhaps, and maybe this is unreasonable, she and her cronies would like to contribute to all that?

Anyway, back you work, you lot. There’s an oligarchy that needs funding. And they’re not going to do it themselves.

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