Low T: 5 People With Less Power Than Tyronn Lue

Cleveland Cavaliers coach Tyronn Lue is a walking meme. He looks like a fish and everyone knows LeBron is the one who calls the plays. Poor Tryonn is a dummy stuck in a ventriloquist’s body.

He gets paid $7million dollars a year to do nothing, not unlike Big Head in the early seasons of Silicon Valley.

Even if Lue doesn’t command the respect that a Gregg Popovich — or even a high school basketball coach — does, he could have it worse.

Here are six people with less power than Tyronn Lue:

Dmitry Medvedev

As the current prime minister of Russia, Medvedev occupies the second-highest position in the Russian government, answering only to the president – a position he himself used to occupy. His stat line as the third president of Russia is telling, though.

To put it in basketball terms, Medvedev is locked in the starting rotation, averaging 0 points, 0 rebounds, 0 steals, and 0 assists per night; numbers he’s been putting up for years.

The Cord Guy

The 3.5mm aux cord may have become obsolete, but its big brothers aren’t. Wired connections are still the best way to transmit certain types information, whether it’s the live TV feed or instructions on how to muff a punt:

The cord guy AKA the cable wrangler follows whatever device he’s attached to (usually a camera, but occasionally Jim Harbaugh’s headset) and maintains proper slack levels while preventing knots and kinks from forming.

People are concerned about robots taking their jobs? A hose reel could do this guy’s job.


What is security? Can you touch it? Would you know it if you saw it? Obviously not, because rent-a-cops can be found in every major city in America. Businesses pay to keep these people around to create the illusion of security, but a badge without a gun doesn’t mean much these days. At $10-to-$15-per-hour, a rented security guard is more afraid of you than you are of him, just like a spider. Would you chase someone out of Target for $300-a-week and no benefits? Probably not.


The picture in this tweet is clearly shopped because Jigglypuff never won anything. Not once. There are a handful of respectable characters you can play as in Super Smash Bros. — Captain Falcon, Samus, Fox, Link, and Kirby. Ness is fugazi; his little lightning bolt is trash. Mario, Luigi, Donkey Kong, and Pikachu are also trash, but nothing like Jigglypuff. That’s like comparing a schoolyard bully to ISIS.

Online Age Checkers

The internet is a seedy place, and for liability reasons, websites have to make sure people under 18 aren’t exposed to indecent material. Problem is, no teenage boy has ever been deterred from looking at ‘funbags’ by the honor system. In reality, this only reinforces the idea that you can lie to get what you want without consequences.

Start the discussion

to comment