The movie industry does this really annoying thing, where all directors, actors and producers know the Oscars happen towards the beginning of the year. Therefore, this means that they’ll pump out utter garbage for nine months of the year – honestly, how many films can Adam Sandler really do?! – before then focusing all the impressive blockbusters around the December to February mark.
The Oscars are basically the winners of the film and actors and actresses that are currently in the public domain, around the time of the awards, rather than the most-deserving – The Oscars are in for 4th March, next year, so do not bother going to the cinema on the 5th March (unless you do happen to be the lone fan of Adam Sandler).
Buy A Student Ticket
Despite the fact you’re only going to save yourself around two shillings, you feel like you’ve played the stocks and shares market and made yourself a lifetime of wealth.
And if you get caught? No worries, as every Brit can feign the whole ‘what?…expired? I’m so sorry I had no idea’.
The Odeon employee doesn’t buy that Mark, 42, attending the cinema with his 13-year-old son, didn’t realise his student card had expired, though.
£8.25 for a cinema ticket wtf odeon am I a student or a member of the aristocracy
— jack (@jjqck) April 6, 2016
Covert Snack Operations
“Mother bird, come in. This is sparrow. I have a clear sight on black hawk. Proceed with caution. Over.”
“Sparrow, this is mother bird. Wilkinsons were out of percy pigs, so I got the chocolate peanuts instead. Entering the destination now, but unable to hide secret package due to the size of the drinks bottles.”
– Mother bird
“ABORT! ABORT! Get out of there, mother bird; there’s been a shift swap.”
Tutt At Price Of Popcorn
*tuts loudly to convey disgust*
*tuts again, ever louder, until noticed*
*points up to price list*
“Outrageous, isn’t it?!”
*still buys popcorn*
Walking the stairs, with your puffs of air that cost you an arm and a leg, and not spilling 33% of them by the time you sit down, is harder than completing the Crystal Maze.
As a piece falls, it’s like a dramatic scene from Saving Private Ryan, with your hands full of snacks, there is nothing you can do to save your falling comrade from the stickiness of the Odeon floor.
Finish Food Before Film Starts
The continual inner debate you have with yourself over whether you would be judged for popping out during the adverts and getting another portion of nachos, whilst you helplessly tell yourself to slow down and make the current portion of nachos last to at least the first 10 minutes of the film.
Don’t think Ill ever learn to not eat all my popcorn before the film stars in the cinema…🙄😒
— Cari Wyn (@Cari_wynn) November 5, 2017
Groan At Length Of Adverts
You know the film won’t start when it says it’s due to, but you can’t help but worry that this will be the time where it will, so you make sure yourself get there on time.
And what follows is what feels like a lifetime of adverts – god we hate Kevin Bacon, now.
Roll Eyes At Person In Front
It doesn’t effect your comfort or enjoyment levels at all, but that doesn’t mean the Great British public won’t forever be slightly outraged by the person in front of them – that seems to be in all situations, though, from driving behind a car to queuing in Tesco, the person in front is always going to get the silent ‘dagger’ eyes.