We have all been there. You are having a pleasant chat with your girlfriend, maybe discussing the rising bacon prices and what a travesty that is. And then you say something that causes her tone to instantly change. What is it?
God knows! You backpedal and try to think of anything you have said that could have sparked the ire of your girlfriend. Surely it wasn’t that joke about bacon lardons resembling a Peppa pig jigsaw puzzle? That was hilarious. The truth is it’s too late anyway. You are already in the doghouse.
A doghouse is a place no man wants to be. So in order to avoid any future indiscretions we’ve put together a handy list so you might avoid it in the future. Of course, there are things that aren’t on the list. The full list would take more storage space then the internet can currently handle!
1) Never compliment another lady. It doesn’t matter if you are agreeing with your other half. Remember Admiral Ackbar? Even he knew it was a trap! Don’t fall into it, if you want to stay in a relationship all women are now uggos! (apart from your girl)
2) If you want to remain alive under no circumstances should you ever say anything that could be construed as a reference to the speed at which your other half eats. Phrases to avoid include: “Wow, you must be hungry.”, “You’re shovelling that in, love.” and “Don’t you need to stop for breath.”
3) Unless you are gay and therefore don’t want to get laid. Don’t give her fashion advice. She doesn’t care if you think those jeans don’t go with that jumper. If she asks you if she looks okay, just say yes!
4) You should never tell your partner she is wrong. Even when she blatantly is. Even if her beef is with somebody else. She is never wrong! It is only you that is wrong. Wrong, wrong wrong!
5) Never compare them with your ex. Even in a positive way! They don’t need or want to know that they have things in common. They certainly don’t need to be told they have smaller boobs!
6) Don’t be rude about her momma! If a dude talked smack about your mum what would you do? Exactly. Even if she is bad mouthing her own mum you never join in!
7) This one is always difficult. If you are going through a “dry spell” (yes I’m talking about sex.) If you can’t solve your issue by putting in more effort and you absolutely have to mention it, be delicate! Don’t just blurt it out. Chances are the issues isn’t even about you. But no girl is going to “put out” if she feels pressured. So tread carefully.
8) On the subject of sex. Don’t be critical, if there’s something that you ain’t into you can say, but use as much tact as you can. Try this: Instead of “That doesn’t do it for me” use “that’s too intense for me” that way it’s a compliment, not a criticism!
9) This extends from your girlfriend to anybody you value in your life. Never say anything that won’t easily be forgotten. It’s a low blow to use “I wish I’d never met you” or “my life would be better without you in it”. You will probably find there’s no coming back from that. So don’t use it.
10) “We should take a break.” This is not an episode of friends! The whole concept of a break is crap anyway. If you want to be with someone, be with them. If your relationship is rubbish, leave it.