more. So you just hooked up with someone. It was a really good hook up. You were both clear on the “no strings” thing which is great. But out of nowhere, they start telling you about their first boyfriend/girlfriend and other stuff that they should really save for a future partner, who isn’t you. You probably don’t expect this. In fact, you are probably hoping that they just call a taxi and remove themselves from your life. But does this make them a bunny boiler? Probably not.
Apparently, just the mere thought of sex makes people “overshare” which is a really interesting notion! Especially when you take into consideration the old adage about how guys think about sex on average every seven seconds. By that logic, there should be a lot of oversharing men out there. The research is fascinating and comes from three studies.
The science bit
The first two studies consisted of two groups: each group was shown either a subliminal sexual image or a neutral one.
The second study involved the groups being shown an explicit video or an informational video about cats (to be fair there are some people out there who REALLY like cats!)
Once this was done the group were asked to share stories with someone from the opposite sex. In both studies, the people who were exposed to sex were far more open with the people they were talking to. The suggestion here being then that just the mere suggestion of sex makes us more open to talking about sex.
The third study consisted of couples watching a video of other couples getting it on or being intimate but not having sex. Once this was done they were asked to share stories with someone from the opposite sex. They were later asked how personal they got and if they’d consider dating that person.
No surprises here: the people who watched the more erotic video were more likely to share. They were even more open to the idea of dating the other person. In my head there is something just a tad insidious about this study. It feels like, on a subliminal level this could be taken advantage of. I guess in some ways it is a little like the sleep hypnosis DVD’s you can get. Whereby the mere power of suggestion is allegedly able to help you overcome addictions or quit smoking etc.
But why does this happen?
Apparently, this phenomenon exists for a reason. The researchers theorise that it is all a throwback to when women needed a man to help raise their child. Sex builds a connection. Apparently even the thought of it. It creates a desire to bond with somebody so we can see what kind of a long-term mate they are. Even though on a conscious level we know it’s a one night stand our genetics say otherwise!
So does this mean that she just wants me to be baby dada?
However, that does not mean that because they are talking to you post coitus that they are already picking out baby names. So perhaps take a chill pill and realise you are dealing with a human being. For some people, sexual intercourse is about more than sticking a penis into a vagina. Let’s be brutally honest here even a one night stand feels better when you make a genuine connection with the other person.
So next time that girl turns to you after sex and asks you a mundane question, why not just have a conversation? I mean you have just done one of the most intimate things you can do with a person, would a bit of chat really be the end of the world?