Most people don’t have a great relationship with their “ex”. After all, things ended for a reason, right? But if that is the case, why is it when we do end up having a “relapse” and hooking up with an ex that it feels so mind-blowingly great? Don’t worry, you are not alone and there is a reason. Science says so!
It may seem odd. I’m sure most of us can’t justify it ourselves. Especially when you consider that you are having sex with someone who probably once yelled “go to hell, you god damn mother crusher” at you. All whilst launching a Def Leppard CD at your head, or worse your genitals. But during the sex, it feels so much better than a one night stand. Why is this?
Well, the good scientists from North-western University have a theory!
“Orgasms feel so good because sexual stimulation sends the brain into an altered state of consciousness; it blocks everything else, and allows us to solely focus on the sensation.
Sex releases neurochemicals that forge emotions, feelings of attachment, and even love, according to Psychology Today. The level of pleasure we feel is connected to the release of the chemicals, which can be used to measure the intensity of our orgasm.”
Okay but I don’t understand the scientist talk!
What that means in layman’s terms (as in, the man who is getting laid!) is that getting it on feels better with an ex because you are not forging a new connection. It is already there. What this means is there is an abundance of these hormones in the pipeline so to speak. So, in essence, you are not just bridging a spiritual bond but there is a chemical reason why it feels better. In many ways, it is like having sex with someone you are in a relationship with. The dynamics are very similar.
It’s not all just hormones though is it?
Patrick Wanis, human behaviour and relationship expert said:
“This person is familiar. Familiarity can create security.”
Relationship expert Audrey Hope says:
“Going back to an ex is a forever phenomenon. You don’t have to be in the same room with a former lover or spouse to still feel the bonding.”
So that is part of the reason that goes back sex feels so good. Chemically it is better but then there is that added feeling. The connection you shared as a couple and the chemistry you developed during your relationship is still there, but you can also add in a further factor. The fact that it feels like a taboo. Like you shouldn’t be doing it. That added psychological aspect really does help add to the feeling of enjoyment.
So should I do it then?
Well, that is a tricky question! If it is being offered, what do you do? It is sort of dependant on your situation! I mean if you spent 9 months of hell trying to get them out of your system, going back there will probably open up old wounds and if it is just sex and either of you may end up wanting more then perhaps it isn’t a good idea. After all, you broke up for a reason, what has really changed?
If however, you are comfortable that both you and your ex are in a good place emotionally then why not do something that is going to put a smile on your face and perhaps make your toes curl at the same time? Seems like a no-brainer!
So there you have it. Don’t feel alone if this has ever happened to you. It’s natural, science says so!