When To Tell The Person You Are Dating You Love Them

We have all been there. You are in a new relationship. The sex is amazing. You stay up until the early hours the morning chatting. It is fireworks and it is beautiful and you know deep down that you already love them. But it’s three days old, do you tell them?

Be real

Obviously not! What you are feeling in the early part of a relationship almost certainly isn’t love. It’s limerence, lust or obsession, but not real love. Love is built over time. I’m sure you probably have that feeling down in the pit of your tummy. That feeling is a nervous response. It means you like them. That’s a fact but when you stop getting that, that’s when what you have may well be love.

True love doesn’t make you anxious

This is part of the reason so many people never find love. Too many people are chasing that butterfly feeling. That is not a good thing. You may think that it is, but in reality, it’s your bodies response to fear. What causes that fear? Well, sometimes it is a red flag. Sometimes it means you have subconsciously noticed something about them that should be avoided. Or sometimes it’s just that you like them a lot and don’t want to mess up. But this should subside. A true love will make you feel secure in a relationship.

So if I get butterflies I should bolt?

Absolutely not. At least not to begin with. That exhilaration feels great, doesn’t it? It is part of the process we all go through before we fall in love. But here is the thing, during this period it isn’t love you are feeling. There is a sense that the word love has been cheapened these days. I find this quite sad and personally I true to use it sparingly. Opting to only really use it when I’m really feeling it.

So when should I say it then?

It’s not like you can put a time on it. But you are not Ted from How I Met Your Mother. If you drop an L-bomb on the first date chances are you are not going to end up with that woman. Unless you happen to look like Jason Momoa. Same goes for the ladies. Give it time. But how much? Well here’s the thing with modern dating things move so much quicker than they used to. People sleep together quicker than they ever. In fact, many couples form having already slept together before even becoming a couple.


If you are looking for a definitive answer you will be disappointed. However, you want to make sure you are not saying it based on hormones! If you are in that period where it is all butterflies you probably shouldn’t say it. You should also gauge what sort of a place they are in. You want them to say it back, right? And finally, you should be in a place where it is bursting to get out of you.

When you have to say it

If you have seven or eight moments a day where you keep accidentally saying it, then maybe you need to actually say it. Chances are you have got to the stage where things just feel natural now. Although comfortability is not a sexy word it really is the biggest part of being in love. If you sit on the sofa cuddle up and you long to look in their eyes and tell them how amazing they make you feel. Well, then there’s a chance you are in love, pal. And they should probably know about it. Good luck!

Start the discussion

to comment