Fashion cycles, or so they say. Which means things that used to be fashionable in the past may well become trendy again. In my lifetime I have seen it with waistcoats and crop tops and unfortunately flat caps. However, some looks are best to stay dead. Here are the things we hope never come back into fashion.
These may well still be in fashion on Merseyside. Calm down, it was just a joke. These were massive in the early nineties. It was considered the height of fashion to own one. However, they were a massive fire hazard and so fell out of favour. Shame, because they were so so cool.
To be fair the odd brave soul still attempts this hairdo. There are few who pull it off though because ultimately it tends to look like your hair was just hacked up by a lawnmower. Nobody ever attempts a well-quaffed 80’s style mullet. There is a good reason for this. They look awful.
Satin shirts for dudes
Unless you’re David Boreanaz playing Angel you will not look good in a satin shirt. Women can possibly pull this off, but even then I wouldn’t risk it. Satin is a lovely material but should probably be reserved for sheets. After all, doesn’t your bed deserve the Austin Powers look?
Crop tops for men (and short shorts)
If you have seen Rocky three you may recall a scene with Rocky and Apollo training together? Within this montage is a shot where the pair “frolic” across the beach. In the scene, the big, butch boxers are wearing crop tops and what can only be described “nut-hugger” shorts. It isn’t a good look. It needs to stay dead.
Why they decided to make an item of clothing that made it look like people had brought trousers that don’t fit properly is beyond me, but they did. Thankfully you don’t see them around much these days.
Messy hair is cool. It’s trendy and won’t leave you looking back at awkward pictures of yourself wondering what you were thinking. Spikey hair? I mean if you are lucky it might not be too embarrassing. Chances are it will be awful though. It needs to stay back in the nineties.
Chains for your keys/wallet
It was the nineties. Things were so different. We had Avril Lavigne tearing up the charts. Sum 41 was a thing and everyone was watching Kerrang. They were simpler times. And in those times it seemed like the best idea in the world to have your keys and wallet attached to a massive chain. Of course these days you wouldn’t be allowed on a plane with such an item. So it’s probably for the best that they stopped being considered cool.
These are just a trip hazard. They made sense when everybody and their dog were wearing platform shoes. Now they aren’t.
Advantages of these are that they have 200 pockets. But do you really need more than, I dunno, say two? No, we don’t think so either. Sorry, nineteen ninety-five you can keep your baggy trousers, we will make do with parachute pants.
If you wear one in orange you look a bit like Michael J Fox. That is the only redeeming feature of this pointless item of clothing. If anything we need an item of clothing that keeps your extremities warmer. Oh wait, we do they are called gloves. Gloves are cool.
Olivia Newton-John may have rocked this look at the end of Grease. This hair cut is not the one that we want.